It's late, I'm awake, and pondering. Pondering on such things as the life of Jesus and how many temptations He had to go thru. It must have been very difficult to share what happened up on that mountain in the desert where the main story line goes. It must have been gruelling - but contrary to popular belief, I think those were just the first shots, the first serious ones, the wily ones the ones He chose to share with others - but I'm sure they were just a few of the temptations the evil one threw at Him every second of every day. I cannot imagine how terribly hard it was to be on your toes every single second, with good friends or no, He was never safe from the tempter's reach.
In a society where marriage and a son were so important, it must have been so difficult to deny even your thoughts to go in that direction. He mingled easily among men and women I'm sure the evil one would maneuver the ones he knew delighted Jesus's heart into His presence again and again and have the women thinking He was so kind, so careful of the women's feeling and he elevated them from the status of possessions to persons, asserting that women, too, had feelings and their hearts were at least as important as the man's were. He couldn't help being attracted to some of them - and many women must have been drawn to a man who treated even the heart of a women caught "in the very act" - He treated her with the respect a respectable woman deserved, because He could see past the sin she had become trapped in , He could see the unsoiled white dove in her heart, and what's more important, He showed that unspoiled dove to her in a way she, too, could see it.
Having lost my own father as a teen ager, I wonder about His earthly father, Joseph. He was many years older than Mary - and there is no mention of him in the gospels - and surely there would have been, had he still been living. The fact that He took upon Himself the problem of having a home provided for Mary after He died, her whole support as the eldest son, was his duty: none of that would have been mentioned if Joseph was still alive. As it was, that one simple act tells us that John must have been his cousin, as the oldest son would never give her into the care of a non-relative. That, too, would not have been necessary had Joseph still been living.
Having sat with my own mother as she lay dying, seeing her pain, being helpless to ease it, holding her hand in the middle of the last night as she slept in fits and starts. I saw Him, loving His earthly dad so very much. This was the man who took his pudgy little boys hands and helped him learn the "right" way to hold a chisel, an awl, a hammer. Taught him which woods worked best for which project. Showed him how to save the wood chips and curls that fell to the ground for later use as kindling, or a wick The easy camaraderie and private jokes they shared, the memories of his dad tousling his hair when telling him what a good job He had done. And it was all necessary - for He would spend His ministry working on hard wooden hearts, getting them to soften but not splinter, His chiseling must be done with a light touch so the wood would respond, not shatter.
And then one day, the shoulders he had ridden upon countless times were no longer strong. I don't know what illness he had, but it most likely hurt Jesus deeply to watch this man who had been his hero fade away one day after another. Pain relief was rudimentary in those days, they most likely used willow - the equivalent of aspirin - and one of the first "real" drugs was laudanum, a strong narcotic. Any attempt at surgery meant certain death - not knowing how to take c/o infection caused a 100% fatality rate, and it was always a last ditch effort after everything else had been tried and death looked imminent anyway. Jesus would have been the one who took care of him, as eldest son.
I am a nurse. I had knowledge of how to make my mom as comfortable as she could be. But she suffered, probably more that I will ever know. She carried it bravely. But if I had the power to take away her pain, to make her completely well, to end her suffering in a legal manner, it would have killed me to refuse it. In fact, a nurse offered to give my mom a dose that was legal, but it was also a dose that we both knew would have put her to sleep. Forever. It was very difficult to say no to that.
So how did Jesus handle it? I've often thought about this, wondered how He handled the pain, knowing with one word He could make Joseph well and hearty again. One word. But His heavenly Father said, "No"
He learned obedience by the things He *suffered* took on a whole new meaning to me. It would have pierced my heart to the very soul if, knowing I had the power, I had been commanded not to use it. And I'm sure the enemy of our souls reminded Him for every second of that weary, painful battle, easing subtle temptation into every snarky whisper. I get it, came the whisper, so you can't end it quietly and release your dad, after all he's done for You - but surely You could at the very least, ease His pain, can't You?: What kind of son are you.? This man gave everything he had for you and You, You stand there and do nothing, Nothing. If you are the Son of God, this would be a good way to prove it, that after you've healed so many others You're gonna crap out on this most important one of Your life? Really? You can't do anything right can You? You're such a goody two-sandals yet You won;t lift a finger to ease the pain of Your very own father....
I think how hard it would be with his brothers and sisters. Perhaps one of them said,"ok, you're supposed to be this holy guy and do all these miracles - and we need one right now, I don't know what You are thinking.. You see him every day, see how much he is suffering and,"he spat out,"You watch and wait and DO EXACTLY NOTHING! THIS IS OUR FATHER WE'RE TALKING ABOUT AND YOU DO NOTHING!!" and no one could understand. Of course they couldn't. He had to suffer their accusations and anger alone. Hurting from not being allowed to heal His dad, hurting from the way His siblings hurt, the look in His mother's eyes when she looked at Him. The pain in Joseph's eyes, in each breath. The silent, whispered into His-ears-alone taunts from the pit of hell.
The heart weeps. I think of Him bearing this alone. Not understanding either but bound to obedience. Obedience He learned **by the things He suffered**. I will never hear that phrase again in a dismissive frame of mind. My Savior suffered, not just on the cross. Every relationship He had brought Him pain.
I was shocked to realize that.
The Father kept Him away from the death of Lazarus - perhaps the Father could not bear to put Jesus thru it a second time where He would have to stand by and let someone else He loved die. Again.
and yes, He knew He would raise him from the dead, but in the meantime the stunned broken looks in Martha's eyes, Mary:s eyes, the accusing stares of acquaintances. He must have felt so very very alone. Judas was another one that wounded Him - and Peter and James and John - they saw Him transfigured and yet, when He really needed some human company and comfort at Gethsemane, they went to sleep. Judas betrayed Him. Perhaps He felt that one He could handle. But Peter! His prize pupil, His companion, His friend. Even tho He knew it would happen, what a painful betrayal that must have been. I can't imagine the heartbroken look in Jesus's eyes as he turned to look at Peter that morning as the rooster crowed. Amidst the deep pain, there was forgiveness. Always forgiveness. Jesus loves mercy the same way His 'Father loves mercy. And extends it to me, to you, every day. His mercy is a deep down in the soul forgiveness, a fullness of mercy.
So when some paltry little wisp of suffering saunters into my life, and I am hurting and feeling alone, I pray He will remind me that He has walked the path He calls me to. There will be nail prints in the footprints on that path. And Lord, please, let me learn obedience by the things You choose for me to suffer. And let me suffer gladly, knowing You are moving in my soul, chiseling out some unwanted parts, sanding the parts You like until there are no more rough edges, and I fit in Your hand perfectly, a tool ready to be used.
Tuesday, June 24, 2014
Saturday, June 7, 2014
Take a step back...
A dear friend struggles with depression and loneliness. This is part of an email I shared with her.
Sometimes we just need to step back and look at things. The enemy of our souls wants us to desperately think we can handle something if we were "just strong enough" - and we have a hard time admitting that we are not. Depression is as much chemical as it is mental and spiritual, and helping to correct that chemical imbalance means the Holy Spirit can be better heard when the correction is taking hold. Those of us with limited energy available to us need to be especially careful. A lack of sleep opens the door to the enemy quicker than other things because we're not as alert to his traps, and our perspective is shot. He can tempt us to dwell on things we'd never even think of when we have some rest in our bodies. Think of it as a gas tank. Like prayer, without sleep we are running on empty.
Now I'm going to ask a hard thing. Can you take your loneliness to Jesus and ask Him to take c/o it? I know how difficult it is to see what seems like the whole world going by 2 by 2 and here we are just one. I often think about Jesus - He had such an amazingly sweet personality and kind heart, and I'm sure some of the women had a crush on Him. He so loved having the little children crawl all over Him, and He probably had a crush on someone as a young boy - and constantly had to deny Himself. Mary of Bethany knew Him so well, she could minister to His spirit when He needed it - she was the only woman Jesus wanted her deeds recorded for a memorial to her. I think she was very special to Him - but He continually had to let go of the *good* things for the greatest thing - the will of His Father. And accept the fact that He would never have a child, in a society where having a son was everything. Like Jeremiah, God's will for Him did not include married life - I can't help but feel there were times when He felt a pang, looking at the kids crawling all around Him, and the marriage at Cana that begins His miracles makes me wonder if He was a bit wistful, in the midst of all that joy for a couple. Tradition says it was the wedding of John the beloved, and that he was a cousin of Jesus. This was His entry into His public ministry, and He was paying the cost of the Father's will both before and during the next 3 years, not just the 6 hours on the cross.. Perhaps He had a hard time with it - He learned obedience by the things He *suffered* - and He was tempted in all things, even as we are. Matters of the heart are one of mankind's biggest pitfalls, I think His heart had to be engaged at some point for that to be true, and we know it is true. And He chose the will of His Father over Himself, every time.
That's not to say you will be alone forever. It's just to say when those longings come on you that you force your eyes onto Jesus as One Who understands more deeply than we will ever know until heaven. Before something like that could happen, your heart needs to heal, and that takes time. And I can truthfully say, Jesus is enough. Once you train those impulses to point you towards Jesus - and grit your teeth to be obedient - He will heal the pain inch by inch. When you are smarting from an ambushing memory, cry out to Him. My usual cry is "Save me Lord, or I'll perish,!" - what Peter cried when he tried to walk on water - "and immediately, he was in the boat." It reminds me that without the power of the Holy Spirit I am easy prey, and I will fall if I try to do it in my own strength - and with my slightest cry, He hears and rescues. I have prayed for 40 years (off and on, usually after some spectacular falling) that He would make turning to Him my first response in every situation. After about 20 years of this, I finally began learning in my flesh I can do *no* good thing, Period. That trying to be strong and resist will never cut it - my haughty spirit will win every time - and to try to "be good" is as useless as Peter's blustering that he would *never* betray Him, even if he had to die with Him. And we know how that turned out - not well! We will never -repeat - never be strong enough to resist the smallest temptation - the enemy of our souls will try to distract us, or put filthy thoughts into our mind just when we are trying to pray or be quiet before the Lord. !000 things we need to do will pop into our minds to cause us to worry (sin) or make us feel guilty (keep a notepad by you when you pray - then you can just down all the distracting things that you "need" to take c/o). Even with worry, we need to give it to Him. He has pledged Himself to supply our needs. God's word to us is a pretty good assurance that He will take c/o it. We don't realize - at least I don't - we are calling God a liar when we figure "I've got this one, Lord" and don't turn to Him in trust instead. It was when Joshua was so certain the Gibeonites were from a far country that he made a covenant with them - not checking with God first b/c it was soo obvious - their clothes were worn, their food,mildewed. They were so friendly and seemed so honest - and there was a little pride there too, I think. Joshua hadn't been leader for very long, he was still learning the ropes of how to be the official leader of the strong and mighty people of God. whoo hoo! Wasn't he somethin'! And God knew he had to learn, and learn quickly, that apart from Him, he could do no good thing. God didn't choose him because he was qualified, He qualified him because He chose him.
And it's the same with us. When He chooses us for something, HE puts the ability needed into that person. remember when they built the temple, He pointed out to Solomon the man He had trained for the metal work and beauty He desired in the temple. How many years did the guy train, not even knowing that his talent came from the Living God, not from himself. It's the same with His choosing YOU.
You are not only pre-approved, He chose you for a reason. Do you think my ability to share wisdom is from me? (pause here for laughter) No way, Jose. He gifted me to be able to speak a word in season to the hurting soul. That is a *gift* - it is not from my great store of holiness (guffaw!)
Just like the gift of tongues, it is nothing from myself, it is the gift of God. I could no more speak the tongue He gave me than I could fly - even now, I stumble over the ups and downs of the lilt to it - it sounds like Oriental to me and is quite gutteral - sometimes my tongue trips.and my throat gets tangled up in the changes to the tone. How could I even think that my ability to know how to share His love with a hurting soul came from me? He is the only One Who knows your innermost soul, and He is the only One Who knows how to speak to you. No human will ever be able to touch your heart with what it craves. All humans are imperfect and will fail you at some point. All. No exceptions. And the reason we fail is that God wants us to *know* that no human is perfect. The deepest desires of our heart
- to be totally and tenderly loved, to have someone who will always be there, to be able to trust someone whole heartedly - that is reserved for God. Hear me on this. No one, absolutely no one, will be able to love you that way except Him. The evil one wants you to crave that from a man, so he can disappoint you and wound you and make you vulnerable to his lies. Human relationships may be good, but they will never be perfect. Jesus took the time to warn us of this, when He had recorded in His Word, that in the midst of the Hallelujahs on Palm Sunday,He didn't trust in man, because He knew what was in their hearts.
My pastor often says marriage is not to make us happy. Marriage is to make us holy. The imperfections in another human being is to train us in forgiveness and agape, to be the sandpaper that smoothes out the rough edges in our hearts - and this is true of any relationship, friendship as well. And motherhood is to induce humility - every woman on the face of the earth has failed at it. Impatience has won. Anger has won. Unrighteous and fallible judgement has won. Our best efforts will fail. Period. **No good thing will come from us alone.** The more we try to "be good", the more we fail. Our sin nature will keep us missing the mark until we get to heaven and have it forever buried on earth. Only in heaven will humans be perfect. Don't try, Pray for His guidance and do the next thing that has to be done. ONe step at a time He will lead us where HE wants us to go.
I know this is a lot for you to soak in. I myself am learning as God teaches you I'm no guru; I'm a sinner saved by *grace*, just like you. The enemy's favorite trick is to make us feel guilty b/c we aren't perfect. We forget, We stumble. We never get it right. Remember this: God is the only One Who gets it right. He does not like it when we think we can. He knows it is a futile attempt to make it without needing Him every single step along the way. Our pride keeps telling us we are weak and stupid, and we *could* do it if we really, really tried.. Settle it once and for all: we ARE weak and stupid when it comes to being perfect. BUT GOD(one of my favorite phrases in the Word) has chosen, redeemed, and prepared us for what He wants to accomplish, for no other reason than He loves us.
What a deal!
I hope this reaches someone who stumbled on this blog Loneliness and depression are so common - and a lot of people feel alone even when they are busy as they can be and surrounded by people. God never intended for us to be alone - and He never intended us to be lonely. Sometimes, we just need to step back and look at things to realize we are sinking - and as part of God's family, we can call out to Jesus to save us or we perish.
And He will.
Sometimes we just need to step back and look at things. The enemy of our souls wants us to desperately think we can handle something if we were "just strong enough" - and we have a hard time admitting that we are not. Depression is as much chemical as it is mental and spiritual, and helping to correct that chemical imbalance means the Holy Spirit can be better heard when the correction is taking hold. Those of us with limited energy available to us need to be especially careful. A lack of sleep opens the door to the enemy quicker than other things because we're not as alert to his traps, and our perspective is shot. He can tempt us to dwell on things we'd never even think of when we have some rest in our bodies. Think of it as a gas tank. Like prayer, without sleep we are running on empty.
Now I'm going to ask a hard thing. Can you take your loneliness to Jesus and ask Him to take c/o it? I know how difficult it is to see what seems like the whole world going by 2 by 2 and here we are just one. I often think about Jesus - He had such an amazingly sweet personality and kind heart, and I'm sure some of the women had a crush on Him. He so loved having the little children crawl all over Him, and He probably had a crush on someone as a young boy - and constantly had to deny Himself. Mary of Bethany knew Him so well, she could minister to His spirit when He needed it - she was the only woman Jesus wanted her deeds recorded for a memorial to her. I think she was very special to Him - but He continually had to let go of the *good* things for the greatest thing - the will of His Father. And accept the fact that He would never have a child, in a society where having a son was everything. Like Jeremiah, God's will for Him did not include married life - I can't help but feel there were times when He felt a pang, looking at the kids crawling all around Him, and the marriage at Cana that begins His miracles makes me wonder if He was a bit wistful, in the midst of all that joy for a couple. Tradition says it was the wedding of John the beloved, and that he was a cousin of Jesus. This was His entry into His public ministry, and He was paying the cost of the Father's will both before and during the next 3 years, not just the 6 hours on the cross.. Perhaps He had a hard time with it - He learned obedience by the things He *suffered* - and He was tempted in all things, even as we are. Matters of the heart are one of mankind's biggest pitfalls, I think His heart had to be engaged at some point for that to be true, and we know it is true. And He chose the will of His Father over Himself, every time.
That's not to say you will be alone forever. It's just to say when those longings come on you that you force your eyes onto Jesus as One Who understands more deeply than we will ever know until heaven. Before something like that could happen, your heart needs to heal, and that takes time. And I can truthfully say, Jesus is enough. Once you train those impulses to point you towards Jesus - and grit your teeth to be obedient - He will heal the pain inch by inch. When you are smarting from an ambushing memory, cry out to Him. My usual cry is "Save me Lord, or I'll perish,!" - what Peter cried when he tried to walk on water - "and immediately, he was in the boat." It reminds me that without the power of the Holy Spirit I am easy prey, and I will fall if I try to do it in my own strength - and with my slightest cry, He hears and rescues. I have prayed for 40 years (off and on, usually after some spectacular falling) that He would make turning to Him my first response in every situation. After about 20 years of this, I finally began learning in my flesh I can do *no* good thing, Period. That trying to be strong and resist will never cut it - my haughty spirit will win every time - and to try to "be good" is as useless as Peter's blustering that he would *never* betray Him, even if he had to die with Him. And we know how that turned out - not well! We will never -repeat - never be strong enough to resist the smallest temptation - the enemy of our souls will try to distract us, or put filthy thoughts into our mind just when we are trying to pray or be quiet before the Lord. !000 things we need to do will pop into our minds to cause us to worry (sin) or make us feel guilty (keep a notepad by you when you pray - then you can just down all the distracting things that you "need" to take c/o). Even with worry, we need to give it to Him. He has pledged Himself to supply our needs. God's word to us is a pretty good assurance that He will take c/o it. We don't realize - at least I don't - we are calling God a liar when we figure "I've got this one, Lord" and don't turn to Him in trust instead. It was when Joshua was so certain the Gibeonites were from a far country that he made a covenant with them - not checking with God first b/c it was soo obvious - their clothes were worn, their food,mildewed. They were so friendly and seemed so honest - and there was a little pride there too, I think. Joshua hadn't been leader for very long, he was still learning the ropes of how to be the official leader of the strong and mighty people of God. whoo hoo! Wasn't he somethin'! And God knew he had to learn, and learn quickly, that apart from Him, he could do no good thing. God didn't choose him because he was qualified, He qualified him because He chose him.
And it's the same with us. When He chooses us for something, HE puts the ability needed into that person. remember when they built the temple, He pointed out to Solomon the man He had trained for the metal work and beauty He desired in the temple. How many years did the guy train, not even knowing that his talent came from the Living God, not from himself. It's the same with His choosing YOU.
You are not only pre-approved, He chose you for a reason. Do you think my ability to share wisdom is from me? (pause here for laughter) No way, Jose. He gifted me to be able to speak a word in season to the hurting soul. That is a *gift* - it is not from my great store of holiness (guffaw!)
Just like the gift of tongues, it is nothing from myself, it is the gift of God. I could no more speak the tongue He gave me than I could fly - even now, I stumble over the ups and downs of the lilt to it - it sounds like Oriental to me and is quite gutteral - sometimes my tongue trips.and my throat gets tangled up in the changes to the tone. How could I even think that my ability to know how to share His love with a hurting soul came from me? He is the only One Who knows your innermost soul, and He is the only One Who knows how to speak to you. No human will ever be able to touch your heart with what it craves. All humans are imperfect and will fail you at some point. All. No exceptions. And the reason we fail is that God wants us to *know* that no human is perfect. The deepest desires of our heart
- to be totally and tenderly loved, to have someone who will always be there, to be able to trust someone whole heartedly - that is reserved for God. Hear me on this. No one, absolutely no one, will be able to love you that way except Him. The evil one wants you to crave that from a man, so he can disappoint you and wound you and make you vulnerable to his lies. Human relationships may be good, but they will never be perfect. Jesus took the time to warn us of this, when He had recorded in His Word, that in the midst of the Hallelujahs on Palm Sunday,He didn't trust in man, because He knew what was in their hearts.
My pastor often says marriage is not to make us happy. Marriage is to make us holy. The imperfections in another human being is to train us in forgiveness and agape, to be the sandpaper that smoothes out the rough edges in our hearts - and this is true of any relationship, friendship as well. And motherhood is to induce humility - every woman on the face of the earth has failed at it. Impatience has won. Anger has won. Unrighteous and fallible judgement has won. Our best efforts will fail. Period. **No good thing will come from us alone.** The more we try to "be good", the more we fail. Our sin nature will keep us missing the mark until we get to heaven and have it forever buried on earth. Only in heaven will humans be perfect. Don't try, Pray for His guidance and do the next thing that has to be done. ONe step at a time He will lead us where HE wants us to go.
I know this is a lot for you to soak in. I myself am learning as God teaches you I'm no guru; I'm a sinner saved by *grace*, just like you. The enemy's favorite trick is to make us feel guilty b/c we aren't perfect. We forget, We stumble. We never get it right. Remember this: God is the only One Who gets it right. He does not like it when we think we can. He knows it is a futile attempt to make it without needing Him every single step along the way. Our pride keeps telling us we are weak and stupid, and we *could* do it if we really, really tried.. Settle it once and for all: we ARE weak and stupid when it comes to being perfect. BUT GOD(one of my favorite phrases in the Word) has chosen, redeemed, and prepared us for what He wants to accomplish, for no other reason than He loves us.
What a deal!
I hope this reaches someone who stumbled on this blog Loneliness and depression are so common - and a lot of people feel alone even when they are busy as they can be and surrounded by people. God never intended for us to be alone - and He never intended us to be lonely. Sometimes, we just need to step back and look at things to realize we are sinking - and as part of God's family, we can call out to Jesus to save us or we perish.
And He will.
Wednesday, May 28, 2014
A Song in My Night
This is part of an email I sent one of my dearest friends today. She is going thru a rough spot - and so am I.
I went to do my daily read today and somehow wound up in Isaiah instead of Jeremiah - for two hours!
I am having a really really bad day, I'm not sleeping, having b/p problems and vicious headaches.. So I wound up "by mistake" @ Isaiah 51:4 " The LORD God has given me the tongue of the learned, that I should know how to speak a word in season to him that is weary" and that blessed me so - it is talking about "the Servant" which of course is Jesus. I looked up the words in Strong's, and "learned" refers to one who has been taught and discipled, and I immediately thought of "He learned obedience by the things that He suffered" - Jesus Himself went thru suffering to learn, just like us. I can't imagine having the evil one following our every step, second by second, to try and make us sin - yet Jesus went thru that, and more, to *learn* how to speak a word "in season" to the weary. The "in season" reminded me that, just like the seasons of the earth, there are seasons of the soul. Spring and Summer are full of learning, delight, and joy. He always gives us a season of mellow rest in the autumn, before the harsh darkness of winter that wearies the soul. And "weary" here means not just tired, but "faint, exhausted, fatigued." I so needed that today! So I asked Him, "did You have nasty headaches too?" And into my mind came a picture of the crown of thorns.
Talk about piercing my heart!
Then, verse after verse, He spoke a word in season to my heart. I want to share them with you, all from Isaiah:
42:8 "A bruised reed He shall not break, and a smoking flax (very dimly lit) He shall not quench" No matter how feeble our turning to Him, or how "dimly lit" our spirits are, our slightest turning to Him is encouraged, our weakest thought of Him is encouraged, and He will not turn away from me. I may get bruised, but I will not be broken; My spirit dim, but the tiniest spark will not be snuffed out.
43: 1b "Be not afraid, for I have redeemed you ( a finished work, pre-approved) I have called you *by name*." The King of the Universe personally knows my name, and calls me by it. Just think of that!!
43:4 "Because *you are precious in My eyes,* you are *honored* and I love you." Awesome!! God sees me and you as "precious" -no matter what we do or don't do, we are precious in His sight - AND *He* honors *us* AND He loves us!! Riches galore!!!
43:25 "It is I Who blot out your transgressions for My Own sake, and I will remember your sins no more." Did you catch that "for My Own sake"? It's not because we are worthy of it, or we become perfect and never sin again (yeah, sure) it's for *His Own* sake, nothing to do with us. He does it all!
45:22" I have caused your transgressions to vanish like a cloud, and your sins as a fog; return to Me, for I have redeemed you." My sins, your sins have vanished "like a fog"! Fog is featureless, dark and blurry - if the evil one keeps a list against us, even then God can't see it or read it because our sins are just clouds and fog. And His arms are always open to our return.
45:21b "There is no other God beside Me: I am a righteous and rescuing God; there is no God apart from Me." No matter how dark and difficult our way is, He is not only righteous, He is rescuing! He will come after us in our darkness, bringing light and love and rescue! An Awesome God, indeed!
53:6 "We, like sheep, have gone astray; we have turned, every one, to his own way; and the LORD has lain on Him the iniquity of us all." I have heard this verse a zillion times, yet today, it stood up and waved. Our sins, every bit of wayward iniquity in the deepest corner of our worthless hearts has been dug out and nailed to the cross. Period. (and lain spelled backwards is nail - just a thought.)
And thinking about sheep - John Muir was a shepherd for awhile, in Yosemite. He talked about how incredibly stupid sheep are. If they fall on their back when it rains, their unshaven fleece will keep them there, soaking up water, and they will open their mouths and drown. They will look for the teeniest patch of grass, and will focus only on it - stepping off a cliff they didn't "notice", walking into the jaws of a wolf, or stepping into a gopher hole, breaking a leg. They will sometimes wander away from the herd to give birth, making them easy prey. BUT they know their shepherds voice, however, if they keep ignoring his voice, he will break one of their legs, and carry them until it is healed, feeding it from his own hand, bringing it water, comforting and protecting. After that, they will never leave his side.
They are timid and afraid of every sound - they will only drink from quiet water - it has to be a still pond or they will die of thirst before they will drink. If a pack of wolves attacks the herd, they freeze with fear and make easy pickin's. If they stuck together and faced them down, they would chase them off.
Sometimes we do the same - isolate ourselves in our fear or weakness instead of seeking the Body for support - and facing the evil one with God's Word to make him flee from us.
And the shepherd becomes coated in lanolin from the sheep's wool. they wore canvas vests that would stand up on their own by the end of the season, pants and shoes slick as a whistle.
And smelly. Sheep and their shepherds smell the same - just like our sin, Jesus *became* smelly, hateful, horrific sin to ransom us. He "smelled" like us - no sweet savor, like God loves.
He really blessed my sox off today!
I hope this blessed you, too - God kept telling me to share what He gave me with you. I am praying He will bring His light into your darkness and rescue you wherever you are, calling you by name, blowing away the cloudy fog of sins that haunts you, and give you rest from your weariness.
I went to do my daily read today and somehow wound up in Isaiah instead of Jeremiah - for two hours!
I am having a really really bad day, I'm not sleeping, having b/p problems and vicious headaches.. So I wound up "by mistake" @ Isaiah 51:4 " The LORD God has given me the tongue of the learned, that I should know how to speak a word in season to him that is weary" and that blessed me so - it is talking about "the Servant" which of course is Jesus. I looked up the words in Strong's, and "learned" refers to one who has been taught and discipled, and I immediately thought of "He learned obedience by the things that He suffered" - Jesus Himself went thru suffering to learn, just like us. I can't imagine having the evil one following our every step, second by second, to try and make us sin - yet Jesus went thru that, and more, to *learn* how to speak a word "in season" to the weary. The "in season" reminded me that, just like the seasons of the earth, there are seasons of the soul. Spring and Summer are full of learning, delight, and joy. He always gives us a season of mellow rest in the autumn, before the harsh darkness of winter that wearies the soul. And "weary" here means not just tired, but "faint, exhausted, fatigued." I so needed that today! So I asked Him, "did You have nasty headaches too?" And into my mind came a picture of the crown of thorns.
Talk about piercing my heart!
Then, verse after verse, He spoke a word in season to my heart. I want to share them with you, all from Isaiah:
42:8 "A bruised reed He shall not break, and a smoking flax (very dimly lit) He shall not quench" No matter how feeble our turning to Him, or how "dimly lit" our spirits are, our slightest turning to Him is encouraged, our weakest thought of Him is encouraged, and He will not turn away from me. I may get bruised, but I will not be broken; My spirit dim, but the tiniest spark will not be snuffed out.
43: 1b "Be not afraid, for I have redeemed you ( a finished work, pre-approved) I have called you *by name*." The King of the Universe personally knows my name, and calls me by it. Just think of that!!
43:4 "Because *you are precious in My eyes,* you are *honored* and I love you." Awesome!! God sees me and you as "precious" -no matter what we do or don't do, we are precious in His sight - AND *He* honors *us* AND He loves us!! Riches galore!!!
43:25 "It is I Who blot out your transgressions for My Own sake, and I will remember your sins no more." Did you catch that "for My Own sake"? It's not because we are worthy of it, or we become perfect and never sin again (yeah, sure) it's for *His Own* sake, nothing to do with us. He does it all!
45:22" I have caused your transgressions to vanish like a cloud, and your sins as a fog; return to Me, for I have redeemed you." My sins, your sins have vanished "like a fog"! Fog is featureless, dark and blurry - if the evil one keeps a list against us, even then God can't see it or read it because our sins are just clouds and fog. And His arms are always open to our return.
45:21b "There is no other God beside Me: I am a righteous and rescuing God; there is no God apart from Me." No matter how dark and difficult our way is, He is not only righteous, He is rescuing! He will come after us in our darkness, bringing light and love and rescue! An Awesome God, indeed!
53:6 "We, like sheep, have gone astray; we have turned, every one, to his own way; and the LORD has lain on Him the iniquity of us all." I have heard this verse a zillion times, yet today, it stood up and waved. Our sins, every bit of wayward iniquity in the deepest corner of our worthless hearts has been dug out and nailed to the cross. Period. (and lain spelled backwards is nail - just a thought.)
And thinking about sheep - John Muir was a shepherd for awhile, in Yosemite. He talked about how incredibly stupid sheep are. If they fall on their back when it rains, their unshaven fleece will keep them there, soaking up water, and they will open their mouths and drown. They will look for the teeniest patch of grass, and will focus only on it - stepping off a cliff they didn't "notice", walking into the jaws of a wolf, or stepping into a gopher hole, breaking a leg. They will sometimes wander away from the herd to give birth, making them easy prey. BUT they know their shepherds voice, however, if they keep ignoring his voice, he will break one of their legs, and carry them until it is healed, feeding it from his own hand, bringing it water, comforting and protecting. After that, they will never leave his side.
They are timid and afraid of every sound - they will only drink from quiet water - it has to be a still pond or they will die of thirst before they will drink. If a pack of wolves attacks the herd, they freeze with fear and make easy pickin's. If they stuck together and faced them down, they would chase them off.
Sometimes we do the same - isolate ourselves in our fear or weakness instead of seeking the Body for support - and facing the evil one with God's Word to make him flee from us.
And the shepherd becomes coated in lanolin from the sheep's wool. they wore canvas vests that would stand up on their own by the end of the season, pants and shoes slick as a whistle.
And smelly. Sheep and their shepherds smell the same - just like our sin, Jesus *became* smelly, hateful, horrific sin to ransom us. He "smelled" like us - no sweet savor, like God loves.
He really blessed my sox off today!
I hope this blessed you, too - God kept telling me to share what He gave me with you. I am praying He will bring His light into your darkness and rescue you wherever you are, calling you by name, blowing away the cloudy fog of sins that haunts you, and give you rest from your weariness.
Thursday, May 15, 2014
The Pharisee
I voted for His death-
This ragged Galilean
The illegitimate son of God knows who
Spouting claims of divinity
And using every coincidence of healing
As a means to embarrass US,
The Pharisees, the Guardians of Israel.
What was I to do?
I admit he had a form of wisdom -
But instead of using it to teach,
He cloaked it all in stories -
Interminable stories! -
That always seemed to point at us.
This ragged Galilean
The illegitimate son of God knows who
Spouting claims of divinity
And using every coincidence of healing
As a means to embarrass US,
The Pharisees, the Guardians of Israel.
What was I to do?
I admit he had a form of wisdom -
But instead of using it to teach,
He cloaked it all in stories -
Interminable stories! -
That always seemed to point at us.
I was present at his death
And laughed with the rest.
You must admit, it **was* a bit funny!
:This vagabond leader of publicans and fishermen,
Actually claiming he was God -
It didn't even bear thinking about!
But when the darkness began,
It was an eerie sort of darkness,
The laughing stopped.
Even a whisper seemed too loud.
The soldiers lit fires
And they, too, startled at every sound.
Their raucous questions and arguing
Over prisoner's possessions
Faded into the expectant darkness.
The flickering flames cast shadows,
Long and tall and wavy -
Every crackle and spark made us jump,
Adding to the strange uneasiness we felt.
Into this darkness came his cry -
He actually asked his "father" to forgive us -
What audacity!
And yet
The words were neither sarcastic nor condemning
Not at all what you would expect.
But then,
He never was.
Suddenly
The ground began to tremble and shake
As if the earth itself
Felt the pain of the crosses
Plunged into its heart!
In an instant
All was still.
The light returned.
We blinked at each other and began to talk,
Forced at first,
Absorbed by what we'd witnessed,
I stumbled home, exhausted -
It had been a long night
And an even longer day.
But now the Passover had come.
It was time
To slay the sacrificial lamb.
And laughed with the rest.
You must admit, it **was* a bit funny!
:This vagabond leader of publicans and fishermen,
Actually claiming he was God -
It didn't even bear thinking about!
But when the darkness began,
It was an eerie sort of darkness,
The laughing stopped.
Even a whisper seemed too loud.
The soldiers lit fires
And they, too, startled at every sound.
Their raucous questions and arguing
Over prisoner's possessions
Faded into the expectant darkness.
The flickering flames cast shadows,
Long and tall and wavy -
Every crackle and spark made us jump,
Adding to the strange uneasiness we felt.
Into this darkness came his cry -
He actually asked his "father" to forgive us -
What audacity!
And yet
The words were neither sarcastic nor condemning
Not at all what you would expect.
But then,
He never was.
Suddenly
The ground began to tremble and shake
As if the earth itself
Felt the pain of the crosses
Plunged into its heart!
In an instant
All was still.
The light returned.
We blinked at each other and began to talk,
Forced at first,
Absorbed by what we'd witnessed,
I stumbled home, exhausted -
It had been a long night
And an even longer day.
But now the Passover had come.
It was time
To slay the sacrificial lamb.
Friday, May 9, 2014
He knew
Still meditating on Easter and this came:
He knew
He knew who they were
The ones
Who blindfolded Him
Then slapped Him, saying
"Prophesy, King of the Jews!
Who was it that struck You?"
He knew, alright.
He knew their name
Their father's name
Their spouses
Their children
He knew about the penny they stole
And hid in their possessions
So no one would know
He knew about the friend they loved
and then abandoned
Because he talked funny
He knew about the time
They back handed their mother
And then their wife
And then their children
He knew.
He knows today, O self righteous one
Who laughs at faith
And uses His Name to cuss with
And ends his sentences with "I'll be damned."
And now, as then,
He intercedes for you
He prays you will be shown wrong
Because
All this time
Through eons of nameless days
He's heard each bleat of fear
That bursts from your arrogant soul
In the darkness
When you are all alone
And although He knows it all
He loves you still.
Sunday, May 4, 2014
God is good - all the time.
I've been having some interesting times lately.
Something has grown a lump on my collarbone that puts pressure on my windpipe. My doc sent me for a CT ASAP. And I spent serious thought before God.
The "what ifs" started parading nonstop across my thoughts. I am almost 66 years old, and, if you don't know, 65 is Mr. Obama's cut off for cancer support. (He and the members of congress are exempted from this law - and they have carefully not commented on the cut-off - but people have already been denied benefits and died because of it). Anyway, I thought about it. I know I'm tired - soul weary, sick of CFIDS, tired of it all etc etc Boo hoo poor me whine mope enough already. I seriously don't know what I would choose.
I just read that line, and the Holy Spirit bopped me on the head.
Life is a gift. A GIFT! Do you hear me, soul?
Each heartbeat is a gift from God, to be lived, fully present. Period.
We are more than conquerors!
Are we really? Do I live a conquering lifestyle?
I have two choices here. Either God's Word is true, or it's not.
Charles Spurgeon once asked a parishioner how he was doing.
He said, "Not bad, under the circumstances."
And Spurgeon said, "What I want to know is this: what is a Christian doing under the circumstances?"
Spurgeon was no stranger to pain and difficulty. This major saint of God suffered black depressions - a particularly painful malady. He learned to live in God's Word.
Hear that, Soul? He LIVED in God's Word. He lived a long life, fighting every minute for the words to share on Sunday to people who were starved for Life. He was sold out to God. Period.
Sold out.
And those words he bought in the midst of a darkness so profound he fought despair - they still speak to people like me who are soul-starved and navel pondering .
For I in my cushy house with a soft as a feather bed and pain medications to take when I need to, have gone navel pondering and whining to the throne of the Living God and dared - DARED! - to mope in His presence.
It shames me that self-pity could burst out of me with the least bit of pressure - I had no idea what the tests would show, and yet I was willing to consider throwing the towel in and giving up.
Giving up before a God Who made me more than a conqueror.
More than. You get that, Soul? Not "just" a conqueror. MORE THAN a conqueror. Buck up, you soft puny thing! Think of the Apostle Paul - scourged, imprisoned, stoned to death, shipwrecked, a day and a night floating on the waters at sea - and I just know the enemy of our souls sent some sharks to bump and terrify him especially in the dark (it gives me the shivers just to think about it!)- but like the lions in Daniel's den, angels kept their mouths shut.
And he never even mentions the scarring that would have marred his life - unyielding ropes of scars on his back accompanying every move - they would pull and itch and ache for the rest of his life.
And does he complain?
No! A resounding No! Instead he speaks of the power of his God to keep him whole, to equip him to survive every one of those circumstances.
He worshipped a LIVING God, a God Who bends close to hear every whisper, who promised us that Goodness and Mercy would follow us all the days of our lives - and in the Hebrew, the word for "follow" means to search diligently for.
Diligently.
So my question for you, Soul, is: which are you going to choose? God's "more than" or "under"?
There are no other choices., Soul.
Choose.
(my test results came back negative.)
Something has grown a lump on my collarbone that puts pressure on my windpipe. My doc sent me for a CT ASAP. And I spent serious thought before God.
The "what ifs" started parading nonstop across my thoughts. I am almost 66 years old, and, if you don't know, 65 is Mr. Obama's cut off for cancer support. (He and the members of congress are exempted from this law - and they have carefully not commented on the cut-off - but people have already been denied benefits and died because of it). Anyway, I thought about it. I know I'm tired - soul weary, sick of CFIDS, tired of it all etc etc Boo hoo poor me whine mope enough already. I seriously don't know what I would choose.
I just read that line, and the Holy Spirit bopped me on the head.
Life is a gift. A GIFT! Do you hear me, soul?
Each heartbeat is a gift from God, to be lived, fully present. Period.
We are more than conquerors!
Are we really? Do I live a conquering lifestyle?
I have two choices here. Either God's Word is true, or it's not.
Charles Spurgeon once asked a parishioner how he was doing.
He said, "Not bad, under the circumstances."
And Spurgeon said, "What I want to know is this: what is a Christian doing under the circumstances?"
Spurgeon was no stranger to pain and difficulty. This major saint of God suffered black depressions - a particularly painful malady. He learned to live in God's Word.
Hear that, Soul? He LIVED in God's Word. He lived a long life, fighting every minute for the words to share on Sunday to people who were starved for Life. He was sold out to God. Period.
Sold out.
And those words he bought in the midst of a darkness so profound he fought despair - they still speak to people like me who are soul-starved and navel pondering .
For I in my cushy house with a soft as a feather bed and pain medications to take when I need to, have gone navel pondering and whining to the throne of the Living God and dared - DARED! - to mope in His presence.
It shames me that self-pity could burst out of me with the least bit of pressure - I had no idea what the tests would show, and yet I was willing to consider throwing the towel in and giving up.
Giving up before a God Who made me more than a conqueror.
More than. You get that, Soul? Not "just" a conqueror. MORE THAN a conqueror. Buck up, you soft puny thing! Think of the Apostle Paul - scourged, imprisoned, stoned to death, shipwrecked, a day and a night floating on the waters at sea - and I just know the enemy of our souls sent some sharks to bump and terrify him especially in the dark (it gives me the shivers just to think about it!)- but like the lions in Daniel's den, angels kept their mouths shut.
And he never even mentions the scarring that would have marred his life - unyielding ropes of scars on his back accompanying every move - they would pull and itch and ache for the rest of his life.
And does he complain?
No! A resounding No! Instead he speaks of the power of his God to keep him whole, to equip him to survive every one of those circumstances.
He worshipped a LIVING God, a God Who bends close to hear every whisper, who promised us that Goodness and Mercy would follow us all the days of our lives - and in the Hebrew, the word for "follow" means to search diligently for.
Diligently.
So my question for you, Soul, is: which are you going to choose? God's "more than" or "under"?
There are no other choices., Soul.
Choose.
(my test results came back negative.)
Sunday, April 20, 2014
He is Risen, as He said.
Today is the most important day in Christendom.
For those of us who believe, it is the day of proof. The day when Jesus took His life back and rose from the dead. A day so incredible, so amazing and truly, unbelievable, unless they had seen it for themselves, they all would have been like Thomas, and demanded physical proof.
His death had been so grisly! He had been bled, as is necessary for the Passover Lamb, by a spear thrust deep into His side.. No blood remained in a body so beaten, so crushed, so destroyed by Roman scourging and pinned to the cross for all the world to see, like an insect. How is it possible that that beaten bloodied corpse could once again hold life?
I often meditate on those involved - we have heard the story so many times, it loses it's ability to stun or shock us, when it should actually shake us to the core.
This year, I find myself pondering Peter's perspective.
Peter is the "everyman" who blunders and blesses his way thru the gospels, saint and sinner and bumblingly lovable - don't you just know he was a hugger? Grabbing his brothers in big bear hugs and laughing loud and deep in his chest?
And trying so very hard to be good.
And failing so miserably.
His first impulse is always to go for it. To walk on water - to actually do it! - and then sink (But hey! Remember he is the only one with enough courage to even try!) And if washing his feet was good, Lord wash all of me! And even if the others all betray You, I never will. Never! Even if I die with You!
I believe that, in preparation for His betrayal and death, His Father showed Him the details - Judas and his kiss of death, Peter and his 3 times of denial - the last with cursing to verify his lie.
So when He tried to warn them all that they would deny Him and Peter proclaimed his loyalty, thinking himself above the others in strength and love - Jesus told him how utterly he would fail. And Peter, left open-mouthed in disbelief, had no comeback to that.
And then it happened.
Peter was carrying a sword that night - no doubt seeing himself guarding Jesus and slaying one and all to protect Him.
And once again, failing.
Instead of striking a blow fast and true and everyone drawing back in horror of the strong man, the adrenaline surging thru him made the stroke flail instead, and chopped off the ear of the poor high priest's servant.
And, in front of everybody, Jesus tells him he's missed the whole point - again - and telling him that those who live by the sword die by the sword, as He healed the man's ear.
Then he follows - Luke tells us "from a distance" - and slips into the courtyard of the high priest, hoping to blend in. He warms himself at the fire and the denials begin. He blusters out the first one - and then the second one comes because a servant girl recognizes the Galilean accent - so to make the third one really establish his innocence, he adds curses to it. As he is speaking, he looks up - and Luke tells us that at that moment, Jesus turns around and looks at Peter.
How that look must have burned itself into his memory!
He really did love Jesus. He really had intended to stick up for Him and protect Him and die with Him - and can't quite figure out how he ended up cursing instead. And he remembers that Jesus told him this would happen - and it pierces through to the very core of Peter's heart - Luke says "...and going out, he wept bitterly."
What was the difference between Peter and Judas? Both publicly betrayed Him. Both would have given anything to undo what they had done.
One despaired, one repented. One heart was mercenary and operated on a far different level - when he messed up, he gave up. One bumbled a bit, but he tried - and when he failed, he tried again. Of the two, I think Judas used Jesus for what he could get - money, the prestige of hanging with the prophet, and hopefully a position in His government when He took over. It is after Judas is rebuked publicly for chastising Mary for anointing Jesus for His death that the betrayal comes. Jesus said He would die - and Judas figured His ruling the empire was pretty much a wash.
So, he got a last little bit of money, and betrayed Him.
Simple economics.
And then comes Easter morn.
The sky is just starting to brighten.
His disciples have been hiding out in the upper room, the last place they were all together before the crucifixion. They are heartbroken and wary, not knowing if the high priest is going to come after them, too. They are still in that stunned state of shock that comes when someone dies suddenly, wondering how this could have happened? How? And the question the evil one whispers in the ear of everyone whose heart was broken by senseless loss: "Where was God?" They knew He was Who He said He was. They knew it! Deep down in their souls they believed. He couldn't have lied. He just couldn't have - not that Man. Maybe someone else, but not Him.
Not Him.
And among them, Peter grieved. They all knew he had denied Him. Perhaps they were trying to console him, telling him to remember that Jesus had prayed for him, that Jesus wasn't surprised by what happened. We all ran away, Peter. It happened the way Jesus said it would. You're no worse off than any of us.
And into this room full of stupefying grief and loss comes Mary Magdalene, weeping, crying out that someone stole His body, the tomb is empty, we went to prepare Him properly for burial and the stone was rolled away!
John and Peter looked at each other.
Then they both took off running.
In my mind's eye, I can see it: a new day just beginning. The birds starting to chirp and move about. The air cool against their skin, rustling in the trees in short bursts. Hardly anyone else is stirring. All they hear is the sound of their sandalled feet, hitting the cobblestone streets as they run, the air rushing around them as they sprint for the tomb.
John, the younger man, reaches the tomb first. He looks in, but hangs back for Peter.
John sees the linen He was in, still wrapped up, but no body in them. They lie empty, like a cocoon - not strewn around the room as they would have been if the body had been stolen. They lie where His body rose up through them, leaving them behind!
The tomb wasn't open because someone stole Him. The tomb was open so they could look in and See!
Peter arrives then, rushing into the tomb. He stands there, sides heaving, brow scrunched up, trying to figure it out.
He looks at John.
John looks at him.
And slowly he begins to understand.
I can only imagine the joy that lights their eyes - and the rest of the women begin to clamor that two angels were there, telling them that He is risen, as He said! And Mark adds, the angels said to tell the disciples "...and Peter" that He goes before them to Galilee.
"...and Peter..."
How tender is the One Who died for us!
Those two words must have pierced Peter with hope and joy. How he must have said them, over and over to himself..
He was forgiven!
Jesus still accepted him! He wasn't to be an outcast among those who followed Him - Jesus still included him, still wanted him to come to Galilee with the others.
And all the pieces start to fit.
All the prophecies, all the stuff Jesus kept trying to tell them. That Messiah wasn't only an earthly King - he was the Passover Lamb. They remembered John the Baptist - how he'd said "Behold the Lamb of God - Who takes away the sin of the whole world" - it fits, it all fits!
I cannot imagine, as much as I try, the joy that would come with the realization. These were men who'd been taught the Torah from the moment of birth - their mothers whispering the she'ma over and over into their ears:: "Hear O Israel, the LORD God, He is One."
And they now knew He was the One - it was all true.
AND THEY HAD LIVED IT!
He had risen, as He said!
Let that drum into your heart! Let it throb in your soul! Let the reality begin to sink in deep - as new and fresh as that first Easter morning:
HE IS RISEN, AS HE SAID!!
ALLELUIA!
For those of us who believe, it is the day of proof. The day when Jesus took His life back and rose from the dead. A day so incredible, so amazing and truly, unbelievable, unless they had seen it for themselves, they all would have been like Thomas, and demanded physical proof.
His death had been so grisly! He had been bled, as is necessary for the Passover Lamb, by a spear thrust deep into His side.. No blood remained in a body so beaten, so crushed, so destroyed by Roman scourging and pinned to the cross for all the world to see, like an insect. How is it possible that that beaten bloodied corpse could once again hold life?
I often meditate on those involved - we have heard the story so many times, it loses it's ability to stun or shock us, when it should actually shake us to the core.
This year, I find myself pondering Peter's perspective.
Peter is the "everyman" who blunders and blesses his way thru the gospels, saint and sinner and bumblingly lovable - don't you just know he was a hugger? Grabbing his brothers in big bear hugs and laughing loud and deep in his chest?
And trying so very hard to be good.
And failing so miserably.
His first impulse is always to go for it. To walk on water - to actually do it! - and then sink (But hey! Remember he is the only one with enough courage to even try!) And if washing his feet was good, Lord wash all of me! And even if the others all betray You, I never will. Never! Even if I die with You!
I believe that, in preparation for His betrayal and death, His Father showed Him the details - Judas and his kiss of death, Peter and his 3 times of denial - the last with cursing to verify his lie.
So when He tried to warn them all that they would deny Him and Peter proclaimed his loyalty, thinking himself above the others in strength and love - Jesus told him how utterly he would fail. And Peter, left open-mouthed in disbelief, had no comeback to that.
And then it happened.
Peter was carrying a sword that night - no doubt seeing himself guarding Jesus and slaying one and all to protect Him.
And once again, failing.
Instead of striking a blow fast and true and everyone drawing back in horror of the strong man, the adrenaline surging thru him made the stroke flail instead, and chopped off the ear of the poor high priest's servant.
And, in front of everybody, Jesus tells him he's missed the whole point - again - and telling him that those who live by the sword die by the sword, as He healed the man's ear.
Then he follows - Luke tells us "from a distance" - and slips into the courtyard of the high priest, hoping to blend in. He warms himself at the fire and the denials begin. He blusters out the first one - and then the second one comes because a servant girl recognizes the Galilean accent - so to make the third one really establish his innocence, he adds curses to it. As he is speaking, he looks up - and Luke tells us that at that moment, Jesus turns around and looks at Peter.
How that look must have burned itself into his memory!
He really did love Jesus. He really had intended to stick up for Him and protect Him and die with Him - and can't quite figure out how he ended up cursing instead. And he remembers that Jesus told him this would happen - and it pierces through to the very core of Peter's heart - Luke says "...and going out, he wept bitterly."
What was the difference between Peter and Judas? Both publicly betrayed Him. Both would have given anything to undo what they had done.
One despaired, one repented. One heart was mercenary and operated on a far different level - when he messed up, he gave up. One bumbled a bit, but he tried - and when he failed, he tried again. Of the two, I think Judas used Jesus for what he could get - money, the prestige of hanging with the prophet, and hopefully a position in His government when He took over. It is after Judas is rebuked publicly for chastising Mary for anointing Jesus for His death that the betrayal comes. Jesus said He would die - and Judas figured His ruling the empire was pretty much a wash.
So, he got a last little bit of money, and betrayed Him.
Simple economics.
And then comes Easter morn.
The sky is just starting to brighten.
His disciples have been hiding out in the upper room, the last place they were all together before the crucifixion. They are heartbroken and wary, not knowing if the high priest is going to come after them, too. They are still in that stunned state of shock that comes when someone dies suddenly, wondering how this could have happened? How? And the question the evil one whispers in the ear of everyone whose heart was broken by senseless loss: "Where was God?" They knew He was Who He said He was. They knew it! Deep down in their souls they believed. He couldn't have lied. He just couldn't have - not that Man. Maybe someone else, but not Him.
Not Him.
And among them, Peter grieved. They all knew he had denied Him. Perhaps they were trying to console him, telling him to remember that Jesus had prayed for him, that Jesus wasn't surprised by what happened. We all ran away, Peter. It happened the way Jesus said it would. You're no worse off than any of us.
And into this room full of stupefying grief and loss comes Mary Magdalene, weeping, crying out that someone stole His body, the tomb is empty, we went to prepare Him properly for burial and the stone was rolled away!
John and Peter looked at each other.
Then they both took off running.
In my mind's eye, I can see it: a new day just beginning. The birds starting to chirp and move about. The air cool against their skin, rustling in the trees in short bursts. Hardly anyone else is stirring. All they hear is the sound of their sandalled feet, hitting the cobblestone streets as they run, the air rushing around them as they sprint for the tomb.
John, the younger man, reaches the tomb first. He looks in, but hangs back for Peter.
John sees the linen He was in, still wrapped up, but no body in them. They lie empty, like a cocoon - not strewn around the room as they would have been if the body had been stolen. They lie where His body rose up through them, leaving them behind!
The tomb wasn't open because someone stole Him. The tomb was open so they could look in and See!
Peter arrives then, rushing into the tomb. He stands there, sides heaving, brow scrunched up, trying to figure it out.
He looks at John.
John looks at him.
And slowly he begins to understand.
I can only imagine the joy that lights their eyes - and the rest of the women begin to clamor that two angels were there, telling them that He is risen, as He said! And Mark adds, the angels said to tell the disciples "...and Peter" that He goes before them to Galilee.
"...and Peter..."
How tender is the One Who died for us!
Those two words must have pierced Peter with hope and joy. How he must have said them, over and over to himself..
He was forgiven!
Jesus still accepted him! He wasn't to be an outcast among those who followed Him - Jesus still included him, still wanted him to come to Galilee with the others.
And all the pieces start to fit.
All the prophecies, all the stuff Jesus kept trying to tell them. That Messiah wasn't only an earthly King - he was the Passover Lamb. They remembered John the Baptist - how he'd said "Behold the Lamb of God - Who takes away the sin of the whole world" - it fits, it all fits!
I cannot imagine, as much as I try, the joy that would come with the realization. These were men who'd been taught the Torah from the moment of birth - their mothers whispering the she'ma over and over into their ears:: "Hear O Israel, the LORD God, He is One."
And they now knew He was the One - it was all true.
AND THEY HAD LIVED IT!
He had risen, as He said!
Let that drum into your heart! Let it throb in your soul! Let the reality begin to sink in deep - as new and fresh as that first Easter morning:
HE IS RISEN, AS HE SAID!!
ALLELUIA!
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