Where my heart has been

I have been withdrawn a bit lately - reading, praying, yearning for more of the One Who bought me.  Doing amateur Hebrew word studies of the Word, reading along some that have been done by others far more trained in translation and connotation than I.

The more I read, the more I realize how far from His heart I am.  How my Christianity has been more preoccupied with me than with Him.

I want to change that.

That is the reasoning behind choosing the word "attention" to focus on this year.

I want the attention to be on Him.

More specifically, I want it to be on His heart - the great Father heart that beats with so much love He traded His beloved Son for my salvation - and the Son willingly joined the love fest, by allowing mere specks of dust formed into ungrateful beings with sin-stained hands and hearts to mount Him naked on two pieces of wood, and hung before the world He had created with His own hands.

That is radical love.  It is as far above me as "agape" is from "fileo" - from "sacrifice Yourself for the ones, mad with frenzy, who crucified You" to "what's in it for me?"

The difference is in the domain of the heart.

And the cry of my heart has become: Papa, teach me!

It has become this deep longing that draws me to the Word, to His presence.  And it became this poem:

Papa, teach me!

I want more than seeking You.
I  want to know Your heart -
To become so familiar
With Your ways and words
That I will never risk distance -
Never be farther than a bear hug
From You.

Let me learn
The secret Way
The desires and joys
The nuances of Love and Being
That make up each beat of Your heart
Each breath
Each move.

Show me how to step back
To let You live in me
Through me
I want to train my heart
To lie prostrate before Yours
To have Your will and mineSo mingled
That separating them
Becomes impossible.

Let me learn how
To recognize each impulse
To see no other path
But the one
That wears bloody footprints
And triumphal glory.

Teach me, my King
How to obey.
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