I've been having some interesting times lately.
Something has grown a lump on my collarbone that puts pressure on my windpipe. My doc sent me for a CT ASAP. And I spent serious thought before God.
The "what ifs" started parading nonstop across my thoughts. I am almost 66 years old, and, if you don't know, 65 is Mr. Obama's cut off for cancer support. (He and the members of congress are exempted from this law - and they have carefully not commented on the cut-off - but people have already been denied benefits and died because of it). Anyway, I thought about it. I know I'm tired - soul weary, sick of CFIDS, tired of it all etc etc Boo hoo poor me whine mope enough already. I seriously don't know what I would choose.
I just read that line, and the Holy Spirit bopped me on the head.
Life is a gift. A GIFT! Do you hear me, soul?
Each heartbeat is a gift from God, to be lived, fully present. Period.
We are more than conquerors!
Are we really? Do I live a conquering lifestyle?
I have two choices here. Either God's Word is true, or it's not.
Charles Spurgeon once asked a parishioner how he was doing.
He said, "Not bad, under the circumstances."
And Spurgeon said, "What I want to know is this: what is a Christian doing under the circumstances?"
Spurgeon was no stranger to pain and difficulty. This major saint of God suffered black depressions - a particularly painful malady. He learned to live in God's Word.
Hear that, Soul? He LIVED in God's Word. He lived a long life, fighting every minute for the words to share on Sunday to people who were starved for Life. He was sold out to God. Period.
And those words he bought in the midst of a darkness so profound he fought despair - they still speak to people like me who are soul-starved and navel pondering .
For I in my cushy house with a soft as a feather bed and pain medications to take when I need to, have gone navel pondering and whining to the throne of the Living God and dared - DARED! - to mope in His presence.
It shames me that self-pity could burst out of me with the least bit of pressure - I had no idea what the tests would show, and yet I was willing to consider throwing the towel in and giving up.
Giving up before a God Who made me more than a conqueror.
More than. You get that, Soul? Not "just" a conqueror. MORE THAN a conqueror. Buck up, you soft puny thing! Think of the Apostle Paul - scourged, imprisoned, stoned to death, shipwrecked, a day and a night floating on the waters at sea - and I just know the enemy of our souls sent some sharks to bump and terrify him especially in the dark (it gives me the shivers just to think about it!)- but like the lions in Daniel's den, angels kept their mouths shut.
And he never even mentions the scarring that would have marred his life - unyielding ropes of scars on his back accompanying every move - they would pull and itch and ache for the rest of his life.
And does he complain?
No! A resounding No! Instead he speaks of the power of his God to keep him whole, to equip him to survive every one of those circumstances.
He worshipped a LIVING God, a God Who bends close to hear every whisper, who promised us that Goodness and Mercy would follow us all the days of our lives - and in the Hebrew, the word for "follow" means to search diligently for.
So my question for you, Soul, is: which are you going to choose? God's "more than" or "under"?
There are no other choices., Soul.
(my test results came back negative.)