Thinking today about Jesus and His great love for us.
We receive His love 24/7 He knows when days are rough or difficult for us - He is using them to whittle us down, to conform us to His image.
That reality is difficult to imagine.
Me, conformed into His image.
Wow.
In American Sign Language, the sign for "Christian" is a combination of two components: the sign for Jesus + the marker for "person".
Literally, "Jesus person."
Am I living that way, tho? When folks are around me, do *they* see Jesus in my person? Do they feel that love that I receive so nonchalantly flowing through me to them?
Amy Carmichael, a missionary to India for more than 50 years, spent the last 10+ years of her life in bed, in pain from a fall into a covered ditch. How did she endure?
She once shared with someone who was feeling "put upon" at the moment: "See in it a chance to die."
Not an easy thing to do. I confess I am one of those who would like to live a Romans 12:1 life, but somehow I keep falling off of the altar. I am far from being perfect, as those around me can verify.
"See in it a chance to die."
Am I willing to do that? Willing to, in effect, *choose* the role of the foot washer instead of the one being washed? Not the poor, put upon, pitiful "saint", but a joyful and loving *chooser* whose 20/20 vision sees the chance to die to self - and does.
Oh please Lord, make it so.
Selah.
Monday, March 19, 2018
Tuesday, March 6, 2018
A big thank you to Mr.web runner for unlocking my blog -I thought I'd have to start over and that was A very unwelcome thought, indeed.
So...what's going on?
In January 2017, i began to become very ill, an AB probably would have coughed once and been fine. But for me, life doesn't 'work that way . Because of the Myalgic Encephalitis, nothing is simple. And because I couldn't move around much,,It translates into into a bowel obstruction .and then unleashed pain everywhere.One delightful add-on from ME.
The bowel obstruction cleared fairly quickly.
Unfortunately, It stirred up my costochondritis, which is medical language for inflammation where the ribs insert into the sternum. This time, the sternum ( the "breastbone} pain went thru the roof. It felt like a power tool ripping thru my chest. All I could do was moan loudly, jt was embarassing and I tried to shut up, but the pain was so bad I couldn't. They were giving me the usual dose of morphine in my IV, 3 mg , and it did nothing. ONe nurse got an order for Dilaudid and gave it right after the 3mg MS. Finally,after 15 hours of moaning, it released. I was sooo grateful!
But alas, the next day it began again, once more reducing me to moans. All that existed was the pain and me. I was begging for "somedy, please!" to help, but after 20 hours of it this time, I started begging them to just let me die.
When my bloodwork came back, the chemistry showed I'd had a small heart attack. They wanted to do some cardiac testing, but I refused. I long ago decided to be a DNR (do not resuscitate) . As a nurse, I know that CPR doesn't give you miracles every time like on TV, and the last thing I want is to be a problem for my family.
So when I got to CCU I made sure they knew. The pain was still crushing. They shot in another 5 of MS and some Nitroglycerine to oxygenate the heart muscle. One of the nurses, on her own, God bless her, called a palliative care doctor for me. She came in and evaluated me, And ordered a dose of MS 5x nomal -15mg . "We might need to go higher, " she said. The nurse, eyebrows raised, said dryly, "Well, it will either stop the pain or put her into a coma."
It stopped the pain. Thank You, LORD!
The next day, an up and coming young cardiologist came in and tried to convince me to go thru the cardiac testing. He wouldn't give up.
Finally, I looked him straight in the eye and said:
"If I crash and you bring me back, I will sue your underwear off!!!!!"
l hadn't realized a nurse was in the room until she let out a guffaw. The doc laughed too and thru up his hands. "OK, OK1' he said, "I get it"
After 9 days in the hospital, I was really dizzy and weak. For every day you lay in bed you lose a week of conditioning They sent me to a nsg home to get back enough strength to be at home.
There went another 2 weeks.
Finally I was home! I coasted along slowly with a visiting nurse twice a week,
ON September 6th, my sil and I had planned to go out to dinner - It was my baby brother's birthday, who had died in 2003. I told her I needed a nap first. I felt exhausted, which is not unusual with ME.
About an hour later she was getting hungry and looked into my room. I was sleeping.
So she gave me another hour, until she was starving, and came in my room. When she couldn't wake me up, she realized I was in a coma.
She called 911, of course, and they checked my blood sugar.
It was 35 - a few above not breathing.
So I wound up in the hospital for about 15 hpurs. By God's blessing, I had no complications.
Then 2 weeks later, I fell and hit the door jamb. My sil came running, and when I started to sit up, blood was spurting everywhere. I had torn my scalp open on the jamb. Took around 13 stitches.
Since then, thank You, Lord, Ive been ok. (I'm hoping this year will go a little easier.)
The word I've picked for this year is "Savor."
Each moment, each day, each anything, I want to be fully aware of it. I realized That I've not been treasuring my days, and @ 70 this year, I have not-so-many left. If you are reading this, I highly recommend it - it's already made a difference for me.
May the Lord richly bless you this year. Savor each day - and, please, remember that we are not promised a tomorrow, As the Psalmist said, "teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom." (I'm a little late putting this into practice - don't be like me!)
.
So...what's going on?
In January 2017, i began to become very ill, an AB probably would have coughed once and been fine. But for me, life doesn't 'work that way . Because of the Myalgic Encephalitis, nothing is simple. And because I couldn't move around much,,It translates into into a bowel obstruction .and then unleashed pain everywhere.One delightful add-on from ME.
The bowel obstruction cleared fairly quickly.
Unfortunately, It stirred up my costochondritis, which is medical language for inflammation where the ribs insert into the sternum. This time, the sternum ( the "breastbone} pain went thru the roof. It felt like a power tool ripping thru my chest. All I could do was moan loudly, jt was embarassing and I tried to shut up, but the pain was so bad I couldn't. They were giving me the usual dose of morphine in my IV, 3 mg , and it did nothing. ONe nurse got an order for Dilaudid and gave it right after the 3mg MS. Finally,after 15 hours of moaning, it released. I was sooo grateful!
But alas, the next day it began again, once more reducing me to moans. All that existed was the pain and me. I was begging for "somedy, please!" to help, but after 20 hours of it this time, I started begging them to just let me die.
When my bloodwork came back, the chemistry showed I'd had a small heart attack. They wanted to do some cardiac testing, but I refused. I long ago decided to be a DNR (do not resuscitate) . As a nurse, I know that CPR doesn't give you miracles every time like on TV, and the last thing I want is to be a problem for my family.
So when I got to CCU I made sure they knew. The pain was still crushing. They shot in another 5 of MS and some Nitroglycerine to oxygenate the heart muscle. One of the nurses, on her own, God bless her, called a palliative care doctor for me. She came in and evaluated me, And ordered a dose of MS 5x nomal -15mg . "We might need to go higher, " she said. The nurse, eyebrows raised, said dryly, "Well, it will either stop the pain or put her into a coma."
It stopped the pain. Thank You, LORD!
The next day, an up and coming young cardiologist came in and tried to convince me to go thru the cardiac testing. He wouldn't give up.
Finally, I looked him straight in the eye and said:
"If I crash and you bring me back, I will sue your underwear off!!!!!"
l hadn't realized a nurse was in the room until she let out a guffaw. The doc laughed too and thru up his hands. "OK, OK1' he said, "I get it"
After 9 days in the hospital, I was really dizzy and weak. For every day you lay in bed you lose a week of conditioning They sent me to a nsg home to get back enough strength to be at home.
There went another 2 weeks.
Finally I was home! I coasted along slowly with a visiting nurse twice a week,
ON September 6th, my sil and I had planned to go out to dinner - It was my baby brother's birthday, who had died in 2003. I told her I needed a nap first. I felt exhausted, which is not unusual with ME.
About an hour later she was getting hungry and looked into my room. I was sleeping.
So she gave me another hour, until she was starving, and came in my room. When she couldn't wake me up, she realized I was in a coma.
She called 911, of course, and they checked my blood sugar.
It was 35 - a few above not breathing.
So I wound up in the hospital for about 15 hpurs. By God's blessing, I had no complications.
Then 2 weeks later, I fell and hit the door jamb. My sil came running, and when I started to sit up, blood was spurting everywhere. I had torn my scalp open on the jamb. Took around 13 stitches.
Since then, thank You, Lord, Ive been ok. (I'm hoping this year will go a little easier.)
The word I've picked for this year is "Savor."
Each moment, each day, each anything, I want to be fully aware of it. I realized That I've not been treasuring my days, and @ 70 this year, I have not-so-many left. If you are reading this, I highly recommend it - it's already made a difference for me.
May the Lord richly bless you this year. Savor each day - and, please, remember that we are not promised a tomorrow, As the Psalmist said, "teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom." (I'm a little late putting this into practice - don't be like me!)
.
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