My daily reads these days are in IIChronicles.
One verse talked about the Holy Spirit coming upon someone to share a word from the Lord.
It literally says, The Holy Spirit "clothed Himself" with that person.
I got chills.
I realized that when the the Lord brought me to Himself, and the Holy Spirit came to live in my heart, that He "clothed Himself" with me.
That is how He works in us" to will and to do of His good pleasure" - none of it is from my vast amount of (non-existent) holiness - it is all from Him "clothing Himself" with me. When I give Him control and "walk in the Spirit" I can do so only because the Holy Spirit is literally my core. I am His garment, so to speak, the form He is taking at this instant.
On my worst days of illness, when nothing is going right and all I feel is sicker than I felt yesterday, when the pain blooms and it seems like each minute lasts for hours, He is still there, encountering the pain with me, enduring it with me, and sometimes, conquering it with me. Anything that happens to me in this body happens to Him also. And when I clear my pipes of all the garbage, and let Him pour through me, it is none other than the Living water that spurts out of me in blessing. It is alive with His Life.
As am I.
I'm having to relearn "In quietness and in confidence is your strength."
Because I'm in a season of murmuring. I wish I could be quiet!
I had the other half of my root canal two days ago, and two other cavities filled.
I got 9 shots of novocaine - and still it hurt. But any more and I would overdose..
4 hours in the dental chair. Livid, multicolored bruises in my mouth and gums. Swollen cheek. Headache.
I've been a puddle on the floor with just my eyes bugging out the last 2 days.
And yet - our God is always faithful. While I was waiting for my ride (I don't drive on D days) it gave me time to sketch the courtyard her office is in, something I've wanted to do for 8 years! I didn't finish the stonework, which is good cuz the perspective is way way off, but still...
Sketching/painting is one of those things that revitalize me, like a deep breath in the snow, where just breathing invigorates you. I haven't added color yet - and one of the reasons I love the courtyard is the multicolored stone pavement. so I'm debating whether to add it or not, cuz the pavement is what I messed up.
In spite of my puling milksop of a heart, the Holy Spirit gave me time to do something that I love - sketching the courtyard. He even moved the heart of the receptionist to bring one of the chairs from the waiting room to the outside location where I was standing so I had something to sit on while I sketched.
What a perfect example of amazing grace! In spite of all my murmuring and kvetching and complaining, my King deigned to make sure I had comfortable seating to do something that brought me joy. Living deep in my heart, He knew exactly what I needed to get through the ordeal of dental work and not lose the whole day to self pity and let the pain win.
I pray that the tender heart He showed me that day will, one day at a time, become my heart, worthy to be made a cloak of the Holy Spirit, and a dispenser of amazing grace myself, to those in my life who need it.