Seeing

I'm taking an online sketching/painting class with Danny Gregory, one of my fave artists.  6 weeks, one with each artist and two more of my faves are teaching - Kate Johnson and Brenda Swenson.  (Thank you, Nan, for making it possible for me to take this class - I've wanted to do it for ages)

Half of our first homework was to draw a piece of toast. The purpose of the assignment is to "deep dive" into whatever you are sketching, to capture each nuance - or in this case - air bubble.  I'll add the picture at the bottom - mostly cuz I can't figure out how to type next to it!

Anyhow, the reason I'm telling you all this is because while I was sketching the toast, which took forever to get the nooks and crannies, I realized that this is a bit of a metaphor about how I read the Bible.  Especially since the 2nd part of the homework (which I haven't done yet) is called "fast and slow" - it entails a quick capture with large watercolor brush after a few seconds of looking, then spending a large amount of time sketching the  teensiest details with pen and ink over the quick sketch.

And I realized, that's how I read the Word.  Or, rather, how I SHOULD read the Word.  A quick run thru, then grab my Touch Bible and use the embedded Strong's to catch each "bubble," as it were, in my reading. (99 cents on Amazon)

I do do this - sometimes.  Every single time I have done this I have been blessed with a new look at something I thought I was familiar with (see "A Shocking Discovery" posted last September, where I took John 3 :16 word for word thru the Strong's and was mesmerized by how much is contained in those few words. )

I think we are cheating ourselves when all we do is the quick run thru.  And I can say this cuz the run thru happens, to my shame, more times than the word for word. I can't imagine the thousands of nuances I've missed by doing that.

Why is it so very hard to really delve into the Word?  I think it's more than laziness.

How many other things do you begin to read or study and gazillions of things pop up that *demand* your attention? It's called "the tyranny of the urgent" and is one of the evil one's favorite ploys to distract us and steal outright our Quiet Time with our Maker.  It won't cost God anything - except He rejoices in our company.  He loves to hear our voice saying "Wow!  I had no idea that meant something so wonderful!" when we discover some of the riches He has hidden in the Word for us to find.

It does, however, cost us, and cost us big time.

Our whole purpose on earth is to know, love and obey the Supernatural Being Who created us.  The enemy of our souls does not want us to discover all the wonderful things about our God (as if it were possible!) because the more we know, the more we love Him! Psalm 103:14 says "For He knows our frame; He remembers that we are dust".  With the Strong's we find "He diligently knows our framing (as in shaping pottery; our purpose, imagination and intellectual framework); He (earnestly) remembers that we are (powdered, gray) dust". This is the Psalm that compares His mercy to the height of heaven above the earth, and removes our sins as far as the east is from the west.

It was with a great sense of awe and gratitude that I found those few words in Strong's.  How often do we realize that before God we are powdery gray dust?  It certainly knocks us down a peg, doesn't it?  And God earnestly reminds us that no matter how wonderful and amazing we think we are as individuals, in reality, we are nothing more than gray powdery dust.  (I find it amusing that we aren't even up to the quality of clods of earth - nope, we're not that valuable.  Gray powdered dust. that's it.)

Except ...

Except for the fact that God is absolutely in love with us.  We are His children.  We are the inheritance of Jesus, the Anointed One, the Captain of the Host, the Almighty Creator, the great Loving Heart at the center of all existence.

Without that small detail, we are nothing but (altogether now, one two three:) gray, powdered dust.

As I began to sketch out my homework, I realized this is how God sees me - every tiny nook and cranny of sin or sickness is no surprise to Him. Every quirk, every wobbly line, every pinpoint of being stands revealed before Him. So He earnestly reminds Himself what we are made of, how He framed each one of us as Potter to our clay.  Chronic illness is no mistake.  He formed every molecule that goes into what makes us us.  He has a purpose for it.  As He learned obedience by the things He suffered, He gives us that privilege as well.  Not a single ache, pain, cough or wheeze happened to us by chance.

And He loves every minuscule dot that goes into making us who we are.

What an Awesome God we serve!!

Here it is!

...and another thing...

I have been thinking about the creation scenario I shared in the last post.

And I forgot one thing.

When that first human belly laugh echoed out into space, and the angels stopped mid-step and smiled benignly, "Its just the human God made" they said to one another, "today is Naming Day.  ***And He gave them His sense of humor.***"

That's how the conversation should have been written.  Because we are made in the image of our Creator.

God has a sense of humor.  I see it everywhere.

And I find it particularly in the Bible and Hebrew humor.

We gentiles say "Man proposes, God disposes."

Hebrew humor says, "Man plans.  God laughs."

It's surprising, given how we gentiles look at Hebrew history. Not much humor, we say, in the Old Testament.

My friend, that's just because you are not looking for it.  We have created in our minds a stingy, unforgiving Father in the old testament, always harping on laws laws laws - which could not be farther from the truth.

The laws He gave were for protection.  He wanted to protect His special children from the evils and illness rampant in the people that surrounded them.

He said, outright, "if you keep these laws, you will suffer none of these diseases I put on the gentliles."

Because the gentiles were promiscuous, their religions were harsh (putting your newborn baby into the arms of a molten hot idol and watch as it screams and dies?  You wonder why God wiped them out?)  If they worshiped only Him, which is His due, they wouldn't be forced to do such things to prove their love of their "god.". (echoes of this as Muslim mothers encourage their children to blow themselves up for Allah.  Allah is a moon god, not "another name for God.") They also exponentially reduced chances of communicable diseases  They had no contact with blood.  They didn't eat pork which had a parasite that formed cysts in muscles and brains. Or bottom feeders (catfish and shrimp)  They didn't have contact with blood, which carried zillions of things - even their wife's blood. They covered their waste.  And they weren't promiscuous, so no STD's.  They had rudimentary hygiene, which no one else had.  All because of a "harsh" God.

Now, pick up your Bible and look for humor.  I find it particularly in Esther - which is now a Hebrew celebration called Purim, or "lots", based on Hamaan casting lots to find out the most favorable day to wipe out the Jewish race.. The kids dress up in costumes and go to synagogue to have Esther read to them

What's funny you say.  It's a bleak story that doesn't even mention God.

Ohhhhhhhhhhhh you silly gentile!  God gave you a sense of humor!! (not as good as a Hebrew's, but it's there!)  Nourish it!

To the Hebrew, God was in everything!  Everything! (an attribute we would do well to adopt as our own!)  So of course He is in Esther (Whose Hebrew name is Hadassah).  Can't you see His fingerprints? It never entered the Hebrew mind that God wasn't behind this!

Haughty Hamaan, because one man wouldn't bow, wants to wipe out the whole race.  He forces his servants to build, in one night, a gallows 3 stories high.  The Bible doesn't say this, but I think it would be hilarious if all that building noise is what kept the king up that night...to read something boring like...ohhhhh, the annals of the kingdom for instance, to bore him to sleep... Where he finds (drum roll) Mordecai's act of loyalty.  And decides to reward him.

But he can't think of a reward. hmmm. that's strange.  He's a king. doesn't he reward lots of folks?  But not this day.  So he says, "who's in the courtyard?"

And lo and behold, none other but the villain, Hamaan (on Purim, as this book is read in the synagogue, all the kids have noisemakers.  Every time Hamaan's name is mentioned, they hiss and rattle their noisemakers and stomp their feet to drown out the very sound of his name.!  I loooooooove it!)

And why is Hamaan in the court? to ask the king for the life of the very one the king wants to reward. Hamaan can see it in his mind's eye: he'd say "Okingliveforever there's this guy that buuuuuuuugs me, and I was gonna ask if I could have him killed."

The king says, "sure, you want me to torture him or what?"

"Ummm let me think." Tapping chin, looking at the ceiling   "Oh!  I've got it! Let's stake him on a gallows.  Which someone happened to build last night.  In my front yard. 90 feet high so everyone in the city can see it."

That's how everything was supposed to play out. So when the king asks him that question about honoring someone, Hamaan, whose world revolves around, hmmmmm let's see ....OH! I've got it! Hamaan! Thinks, "who else would the king like to honor, but me!"  And he paints this amazing scenario in his own mind: king's donkey (donkeys were the animals that only kings rode -appropriate, no?) King's robe (which may have been ermine and spun gold but would never have been washed so perhaps a tad smelly) and a nobleman proclaiming "this is how the king rolls." Or, um, in bible language "This is how it's done for the one the King wishes to honor"

The King says "Good idea!  I knew I could count on you Haam', go do that for Mordecai, the Jew"

Oy vey! or maybe just OY! (He was, after all, a gentile.)

So out goes Hamaan and, of course, does what the king ordered him to do.

Now, Hamaan didn't keep his hatred of Mordecai a secret. Didn't even try.  And so folks knew if you didn't bow before him he would wipe out not just you but every single relative of yours he could find.

The whoooooooooooooooooole town knew this. They also knew he was proud, self-worshipping, and condescending to others.

Can't you just see Hamaan leading this donkey, with Mordecai riding nobly above,  and Hamaan loudly proclaiming "thus it is done for the one the King wants to honor" - and every person Hamaan sees is smiling from ear to ear or turning away a second to stifle a guffaw. That handy phrase "hoist on his own petard" comes to mind.

Meanwhile, in the synagogue, all the kids burst into laughter.

Then, as salve upon an open wound, the Queen invites the king and Hamaan - ONLY Hamaan - to dinner. Oooooo Hooooo Hoooooooo, am I hot stuff, Hamaan thinks. (which also the whole town knows - he's always thought he was hot stuff, and gossip about kings and villains spreads like wildfire..)

So here comes the banquet.  After dinner, Esther has a moment  of nervousness, and asks everybody back for the next night.

Hamaan has more to brag about.

The next night, Esther says, "OSweetiePieliveforever, something is rotten in Denmark (oops sorry wrong story)... OKingliveforever you have a rat in your bosom.  This guy is trying to get you to wipe out my people.  If he just wanted to enslave us I wouldn't say anything, but he wants to kill everyone of your loyal tax-paying servants.  Including me, your favorite Sweetheart and queen.  And by the way, my name is Hadassah - and Mordecai is my uncle. "

The king bellows "Who would have the cojones ...uh ...Who would DARE to do such a thing to you?  WHO????"

"This rat here, Hamaan!" (wild cheering erupts in the synagogue, noisemakers galore)

The King stomps into the garden to cool off.

The brilliant Hamaan has an accident in his pants and falls upon the Queen's couch, to beg for his life .(Yeah, they ate on couches.  icky, huh?)

Just at that precise moment, the king returns, sees Hamaan on top of the queen and gets the wrong idea.

"And now you're gonna ravish my queen right in front of me?!!"

Now, stop and think for a moment.  People of Hamaan's persuasion whose whole world revolves around themselves - and thus, necessarily. the world of everyone around them, unfortunate souls - usually do not treat their -or anyone else's - servants kindly.

The king's servants have been putting up with this schmuck forever, and now are watching this go down with (dignified) glee.  When Hamaan fell on the queen's couch, the head servant whispered to his assistant "go get an executioner's hood - this is getting good".  So when the kings bellows and the word "ravish" comes out of his mouth, the servant says, " Okingliveforever, Hamaan is the one who built the gallows in his front yard that kept you awake last night, and he built it for Mordecai, who saved your life!"

The king says, " Oh really? Anybody got an executioner's hood?"

"Okingliveforever, I just happen to have one right" - whoosh - "here behind my back!  What a coincidence, huh?"

And the servant's stuff the hood over Hamaan's face and whisk him away, to be hanged on his own gallows, with his 7 sons (the perfect number for his perfect life) - they were hanged because they were in cohoots with their dad - snotty begets snotty.  (in those days in this place they didn't actually hang them.  First they killed him, then they pushed their bodies thru the pointed stake at the top of what they called a gallows.  eeeeeuwwww.  and this one was 90 feet high.  I think it wasn't only the Jews who were relieved that Hamaan was done for.)

Now a moment of seriousness.

The Jewish people, in every generation, has had a madman who hated them and wanted to kill the whole race.  Hitler was not an original.  And did you know he had Jewish ancestry? According to his policies, he should have been the first to be eliminated in his new guidelines.  People look down on the Jews, freeze them out of country clubs and anything else they can freeze them out of.  Their humor is often self-depracating.  It is a wry kind of humor and I find it delightful.  When people say "But you are the chosen people," they  often say "Why doesn't God choose someone else for awhile?" (I actually had this conversation with a Jewish friend - and, sure enough, that's what he said.)

Things said and done during the holocaust are actually in the Word, where it talks about there being only one from a family, or one from a whole city that survives.  Yet survive they have.  Mark  Twain once said, "If you want to see a living miracle, look at the Jew."

He went to Israel as he notes in his Travels and he described it in quotes from the Word, as a desolate place with no trees, rocky and arid.

I can't help but think the humor God put into the Jew got them through some grim days.

Then ? God ignored them for 2000 years.  Unfortunately, the "Christians" did not, with pogroms and eradication and eviction from country after country.  The Inquisition, the Crusades - where "holy" knights, who were promised heaven if they died in battle (sound familiar?) tried to see how many Jewish babies they could fit on a sword.  Atrocity after atrocity. There is a reason the Jew doesn't trust the Christian.

And now God has brought them Home, and is dealing with them once again, His covenant with them, which over and over again He declared to be an eternal covenant that depended not on their behavior, but on God alone, is still in effect. Our God is NOT a covenant breaker! The land Twain described no longer exists.  It is alive with trees, fruit, flowers, people who laugh and dance and sing and are recognizing their Messiah in huge numbers, with many Messianic congregations.  God told them the desert would blossom like a rose, and you can go to Israel and see that prophecy in living color.  They supply Europe with over 75% of the cut flowers imported.  They supply the world with food, not just their own people.  Look on your supermarket shelves and you will find jams and jellies and crackers and delicacies that were made in Israel. Almost every advance in medicine and computers has come from Israel,  Every October Christians from all over the world gather for Shavuot (the feast of the ingathering) to show their support for Israel in a parade where they march on foot through the streets of Jerusalem.

And why not?  We owe them everything :our Messiah, Jesus, Who was  crucified by our sin.  NONE OTHER.  On a Roman Cross.  By Roman soldiers.

You really ought to go there.  It will turn the Bible from black and white to living color. Once you've been there, you will never be the same.

For the first time in history, an ancient people, forced to wander from their home for 2000 years, came back and revived their native tongue, which had not been spoken in every day language (it was like Latin - used formally but not as a daily language) for 2000 years and is now a living, every day language once more.

The Balfour declaration, which is what started the deep thirst for their homeland, was ratified to give them not only where Israel is today - (there was no country of Jordan at that time.)  All the land that Jordan includes was supposed to be part of Israel. The British,  however, anti-Semitic to the last( they exported every Jew long before Shakespeare wrote the Merchant of Venice.  Shakespeare had never met a Jew - there weren't any in England. I so love the mercy speech he put in the Merchant's mouth!  It continues to amaze me, even tho , at the end of the play and with a sword at his throat, the Jew is forced to "become a Christian" - which is something that happened over and over during the Spanish Inquisition) the Brits decided that was too much land to give to a Jew and chopped it down to indefensible borders - less than 8 miles wide at one point - and then supplied the 8 arab countries with weapons  - to start a war with them the day their country was ratified by the UN.  They couldn't even speak to each other because some spoke Yiddish, Some Latvian and Polish - they had no common language, and commanders often could not communicate with their troops.  Time after time, God provided miracles of protection for them - the odds were almost literally one in a million - a million arabs for every Jew - and the Jews had few rifles, no tanks, paltry amounts of ammunition. They have been attacked 6 times, maligned by countless, and still, they survive.  That's all they really want: to survive, to raise their children in peace.

Did you know that Israel is smaller than Rhode Island?  Even today, an IDF jet takes less than 60 seconds to fly across the country.  And the" West Bank" is actually none other than Samaria and Judea. The arabs call it that so that people don't realize they are talking about the  heart of Biblical Israel.

When the arabs realized they were not going to win in any war, in spite of all their attempts to do just that, they began telling lies.  Hitler himself said if you repeat a lie often enough, people will believe it.  ( For a muslim, it is not a lie to tell untruths to infidels, which is you and me).  Arafat did this remarkably well - and I hate to disillusion you, but Arafat was not a "Palestinian" - which has never been a country, never had a ruler, never had a law, never existed - Arafat was an Egyptian Muslim.  "Palestine" was the name a Roman governor gave to Israel so the Jews could not claim it as home.  When Israel became a  county in 1948, no arab would deign to be called palestinian because it was a derogatory name for the Jew. But Arafat knew they needed a myth to believe in - so he made one up.

If you tell a lie often enough, people believe it.

The truth is, Israel has offered many times to build homes and hospitals where the "palestinians" are and has been refused.  You can't demoniZe a people who did that for you, so the leaders won't take help.  The millions sent to them for "their people" are scarfed up by the leaders. Arafat died a multi millionaire.  Did you know that Israel agreed to every demand of Arafat at Camp David and he stormed out - only to be awarded the Nobel Peace prize?

If you tell a lie often enough, people believe it.

Now they claim Jesus was a palestinian freedom fighter.  And a lot of "Christians" believe it.

For the truth of what I have said about the above, get the book "From Time Immemorial" - written by a former State Dept official who wanted to vindicate the "poor palestinians" because she had been so active in the civil rights movement.  She was incensed that the Israelis were stealing "palestinian" land and keeping them in camps.  So she went to Israel and did research. What she found, and documented, stunned her. What she discovered was the myths and lies being swallowed whole as truth. The palestinians stole Jewish history - and made it their own.  She was so appalled she wanted to tell the real truth about what was happening to Israel. So she published her book.

And no one cared.

If you tell a lie often enough, people will believe it.

Hamaan lives.

Long, long ago

As I explain in my short bio, I am a writer of prose and poetry.  I think in allegory - which opens up vast new horizons for me in the Word.  One small phrase can set me off.  Psalm 34 is my favorite Psalm.  I have read it gazillions of times, derived more comfort from it than should even be possible, and , tho Ps 119 is a close second, Ps 34 remains my avowed favorite.

Today my daily read included Ps 32- 35, and I was delighted to  know I would have a feast in the LORD today.

And then I got to Ps 33.

One phrase :verse 6 - and I am undone.

I read a different version each year, and this year I am in the Modern Language Bible, an early favorite, right up there next to the revised NKJV, in my opinion.  I am a Shakespeare fan, so the olde englishe wordes of the NKJV don't bother me - and nothing can match its majesty which, just in case you don't know, was a stated objective in their translation of the Holy Writ.  They wanted the reader to fall face down before the majesty and awesomeness of His Being.

Now the MLB, as far as I know, doesn't state those objectives; still, they have several examples of a "nice turn of phrase" as writers call it.

And I found one in Ps 33 today.  It stopped me in my tracks and blew my tiny human mind into infinitesimal fragments.

But there;'s a back story to this: Permit me to share:

Carl Sagan, the atheistic creator of the tv series Cosmos, was a firm believer that the big bang theory was the end all and be all of creation.  It satisfied every question and whim of wonder in the human mind on one grand incredibly amazing poetic harmony-of-life scale

Except one.

Where did everything contained in the big bang come from?

Even Carl, with his dyed-in-the-wool adamant stance against Creation Design, couldn't deny that ....well,....there does seem to be an amazing symmetry (no word such as design by an intelligent Being would cross his lips) and incredible amounts of matter springing from....nothing.  Even the explosion of the bang really should have a ...er...um...cause somewhere in there.

Carl Sagan is gone now, and I don't think he is resting in much peace.  To his credit, he was actually in touch with some of the PhDs from the Creation Institute, and a dialogue of sorts was going on.   I pray in his last moments he did bow before the One Who held his breath in His hands.

But I digress.

All that is simply to say, the answer to Carl Sagan is Psalm 33 verse 6:  "By the word of the LORD the heavens were made; by the breath of His mouth all their host."

I have read that verse at least 40 times in my yearly circuit, and never has it dropped me face down in adoration - until today.

Perhaps it was growing up in a Disney frame of mind, "The Wonderful World of Color" kept me enthralled every Sunday night at 4pm.  I didn't know my Creator then, but Mr. Disney was certainly plowing that ground, making a fertile plot for His seed to fall.

I read this verse today, and I SAW, I really SAW, Jesus standing in the inky blackness of empty space - which He also created - as a backdrop for His bing!bang!boom! of "Be Light" (which is what the original Hebrew says.  It is a command, not a namby pamby "let there be" anywhere in there.) "Bing!Bang!Boom!BE LIGHT!" (OK, so maybe I got a bit carried away there...)

The point is, Mr. Sagan could trace natural history down thru the ages, he believed.  But when he got there, he had nothing.

Exactly.

Nothing but God.

And, ala Disney, I can see a Masterful paint brush wipe across the universe - His Arm flung wide with delight and joy, tiny pebbles of planets flung into orbits, galaxies of pinwheels, circles, clouds of gasses, and - with a chuckle - black holes. His designs building on one another Day by Day. Something called "gravity" to hold it all together.  And as He flung them outwards, the elements kept expanding in that direction, moving ever  outward - until the day, already planned, when He will snap them back, rolling up like a scroll or an old fashioned window shade that flap-flap-flaps it's way back on the roller.

(I warned you I think in allegory!)

And Then...

And Then:..

Everything stood stock still, and held it's breath, peering over His shoulder as He knelt - KNELT - in the dust to hand-shape His crowning achievement.

Man.

The only item in allllllllllllllllllllll of God's creation that He made by hand.  And how creation gasped to see that *this* living being (nebesh in Hebrew) was made in the Image of his Maker.

Gasped!

And this being, so loved, so doted on, so delighted in, was set entirely free.

In the most perfect garden ever made.

In the best possible atmosphere.

With carefully designed parameters.

And yet, if he so chose, he could turn his back on his Father, spit in His eye, and sin.

He had everything anyone could want.  A pre-planted,  food-producing garden uncluttered by weeds or stinging bugs, watered every morning by a mist that arose from the ground itself, created to delight that yearning in the human soul for beauty - a yearning shared by no other creature and having no possible "evolutionary advantage" for mankind.  Simply to delight his heart.  And what's more, God paraded each individual animal in front of Adam to name.

Disney-esque, I have thought of that scene many many times.  Starting with the small fuzzies - perhaps Adam cuddled each one, tickling their chins, or dug his fingers into the soft, living fur of a Bengal Tiger,going until he'd progressed thru them all.

I wonder, did he toss a stick for the Tyrannosaurus Rex to chase after (pound!pound!pound! the earth shaking as he ran.  Snatching up the stick, pound!pound!pound! as he ran back, eager as a puppy)

Then came the armor-plated rhinoceros, horribly near sighted (no chasing sticks for him!) and the giraffe!  I bet God watched to see Adam's reaction to each one, and at the poor near-sighted rhino a human belly-laugh echoed out into space.  Angels stopped mid-step at the sound, then smiled benignly "It's just the human God made,"they said to one another,"today is Naming Day."

The giraffe got another belly laugh.  And the platypus!  Oh my!  You never heard such laughter!

And then, God tacked on the teeny-tiny blinking light to the firefly's rear end, and set them all loose - and a sigh of wonder burst out of Adam as the grassy fields became a sparkling wonderland. (Oh! what a scene Disney could have made with that one!)

And God delighted in all that He had made.

Then, He made one more creation.  Using the first anesthesia (I'm a nurse....couldn't resist) God took Adam's rib and made a helper perfect for him, in every way.  She had sparkling eyes and a musical laugh, and  a dainty, swinging pony tail.

Adam was smitten.

And, as usually happens when we humans are smitten with one another, his brain ceased to function.

I often wonder what the serpent originally looked like.  It's a question that has no answer.  It was the most beautiful and subtle animal of all creation.  Gossamer wings, perhaps?  Long, dainty legs?  The softest fur?  The most playful heart? What was his name before Adam  changed it to "serpent" ?

We'll never know until heaven.  What we do know is, this animal was enchanted by satan - perhaps he saw his own beauty reflected in the evil one's eyes - surely satan appeared, as the Bible says he can, as an angel of light.  Mesmerized, the serpent said, "yeah, sure you can use my body.  It IS just a trick, right?  Nothing bad in it?"

And the deed was done.

All the paintings and images of The Fall paint this slithery slimy hissing atrocity whispering in Eve's ear.

Would YOU cozy up to a slithery hissy thing?

I think not.

Whatever he looked like, he wasn't icky.  He was warm, and cozy, and looked perfectly trustworthy....and one more thing : he looked wise.

Now, here's where I get bent out of shape.

Eve is always projected as adding to Scripture.  But a careful reading reveals that God didn't tell her about the tree of life and the tree of good and evil.

He told Adam.

And I can easily see Adam adding "...or touch it" for emphasis, to impress upon this winsome lass, looking up at him adoringly, that the tree of good and evil was off limits.

I am always fascinated by the fact that the Tree of Life was easily accessible and *not* forbidden.  Yet it held no allure.

Because the evil one didn't make it look alluring.

Hebrew tradition says that when the serpent was enticing Eve, he waited until she said, "We must not eat of it, nor touch it, or we die."  At that moment, he bumped her into the tree and said, "See?  you won't die if you touch it ...or eat it, either."  And at that moment, he knew he had triumphed.

And now, we all are like God, knowing the difference between good and evil - although we often wish we didn't. And in spite of all of this, we are inexorably drawn to evil - like Job says, "As sparks fly upward."

The most subtle of all the animals.

Now the serpent knew that he had marred God's perfect created being and broken God's heart.  This was a being made in His own image!

And the serpent was stripped of his gauzy wings or shining soft fur or long legs or playfulness (have you ever noticed that all babies of animals play?  kittens, puppies, horses, even whales - but not snakes) and condemned to eat dust and slither from that moment on - he was ugly now, and he knew it.  So, whenever he can, he bites a human heel, cuz it's the human's fault all his beauty and gorgeousness were stripped away.

Certainly not his fault.

Well, ok, so he let satan take him over.  But he didn't know the evil one had planned anything like this.

Well, ok, he knew the evil one hated God, and yes, he knew he'd been thrown out of heaven, but he was sooooo beautiful and he told me I was beautiful and he said there wasn't anything wrong with what we were doing, that God just wanted to take away our fun...and yes, I believed him BUT....I didn't really know it was wrong.

And so began the lie that has been told to every generation, the same exact story, and we fall for it every time. In The Singer, Calvin Miller said that satan sings the same song to every generation, and each generation thinks it's a new song sung only for them.

Every generation falls for it.

Every time.

And I am continually amazed at my own stupidity,

For I am absolutely in love with my Creator.  He is so beautiful and so good and so merciful and so amazingly wondrously creative, and He made me that way too, just so I could recognize and delight in Him and the attributes He shares with me as His gifts. And I am awed by His Creation that surrounds me, even tho it is spoiled and has become dangerous and things slither and hiss and go bump in the night.

And I wonder.

I wonder how lovely the unspoiled Creation was.

And I wonder what this world might have been.

And I am overcome with gratitude that Jesus made us - and when He lost us, He bought us back - out of the slave market we had been sold into, that one golden day, long long ago, in Paradise.

The mystery of suffering

It's late, I'm awake, and pondering. Pondering on such things as the life of Jesus and how many temptations He had to go thru.  It must have been very difficult to share what happened up on that mountain in the desert where the main story line goes.  It must have been gruelling - but contrary to popular belief, I think those were just the first shots, the first serious ones, the wily ones the ones He chose to share with others - but I'm sure they were just a few of the temptations the evil one threw at Him every second of every day.  I cannot imagine how terribly hard it was to be on your toes every single second, with good friends or no, He was never safe from the tempter's reach.

In a society where marriage and a son were so important, it must have been so difficult to deny even your thoughts to go in that direction.  He mingled easily among men and women I'm sure the evil one would maneuver the ones he knew delighted Jesus's heart into His presence again and again and have the women thinking He was so kind, so careful of the women's feeling and he elevated them from the status of possessions to persons, asserting that women, too, had feelings and their hearts were at least as important as the man's were. He couldn't help being attracted to some of them - and many women must have been drawn to a man who treated even the heart of a women caught "in the very act" - He treated her with the respect a respectable woman deserved, because He could see past the sin she had become trapped in , He could see the unsoiled white dove in her heart, and what's more important, He showed that unspoiled dove to her in a way she, too, could see it.

Having lost my own father as a teen ager,  I wonder about His earthly father, Joseph.  He was many years older than Mary - and there is no mention of him in the gospels - and surely there would have been, had he still been living.  The fact that He took upon Himself the problem of having a home provided for Mary after He died, her whole support as the eldest son, was his duty: none of that would have been mentioned if Joseph was still alive. As it was, that one simple act tells us that John must have been his cousin, as the oldest son would never give her into the care of a non-relative. That, too, would not have been necessary had Joseph still been living.

Having sat with my own mother as she lay dying, seeing her pain, being helpless to ease it, holding her hand in the middle of the last night as she slept in fits and starts.  I saw Him, loving His earthly dad so very much.  This was the man who took his pudgy little boys hands and helped him learn the "right" way to hold a chisel, an awl, a hammer.  Taught him which woods worked best for which project.  Showed him how to save the wood chips and curls that fell to the ground for later use as kindling, or a wick The easy camaraderie and private jokes they shared, the memories of his dad tousling his hair when telling him what a good job He had done.  And it was all  necessary - for He would spend His ministry working on hard wooden hearts, getting them to soften but not splinter, His chiseling must be done with a light touch so the wood would respond, not shatter.

And then one day, the shoulders he had ridden upon countless times were no longer strong.  I don't know what illness he had, but it most likely hurt Jesus deeply to watch this man who had been his hero fade away one day after another.  Pain relief was rudimentary in  those days, they most likely used willow - the equivalent of aspirin - and one of the first "real" drugs was laudanum, a strong narcotic.  Any attempt at surgery meant certain death - not knowing how to take c/o infection caused a 100% fatality rate, and it was always a last ditch effort after everything else had been tried and death looked imminent anyway.  Jesus would have been the one who took care of him, as eldest son.

I am a nurse.  I had knowledge of how to make my mom as comfortable as she could be.  But she suffered, probably more that I will ever know.  She carried it bravely.  But if I had the power to take away her pain, to make her completely well, to end her suffering in a legal manner, it would have killed me to refuse it.  In fact, a nurse offered to give my mom a dose that was legal, but it was also a dose that we both knew would have put her to sleep. Forever.  It was very difficult to say no to that.

So how did Jesus handle it?  I've often thought about this, wondered how He handled the pain, knowing with one word He could make Joseph well and hearty again.  One word. But His heavenly Father said, "No"

He learned obedience by the things He *suffered* took on a whole new meaning to me.  It would have pierced my heart to the very soul if, knowing I had the power, I had been commanded not to use it.  And I'm sure the enemy of our souls reminded Him for every second of that weary, painful battle, easing subtle temptation into every snarky whisper.  I get it, came the whisper, so you can't end it quietly and release your dad, after all he's done for You - but surely You could at the very least, ease His pain, can't You?:  What kind of son are you.? This man gave everything he had for you and You, You stand there and do nothing,  Nothing.  If you are the Son of God, this would be a good way to prove it, that after you've healed so many others You're gonna crap out on this most important one of Your life?  Really?  You can't do anything right can You?  You're such a goody two-sandals yet You won;t lift a finger to ease the pain of Your very own father....

I think how hard it would be with his brothers and sisters.  Perhaps one of them said,"ok, you're supposed to be this holy guy and do all these miracles - and we need one right now,  I don't know what You are thinking..  You see him every day, see how much he is suffering and,"he spat out,"You watch and wait and DO EXACTLY NOTHING!  THIS IS OUR FATHER WE'RE TALKING ABOUT AND YOU DO NOTHING!!" and no one could understand.  Of course they couldn't.  He had to suffer their accusations and anger alone.  Hurting from not being allowed to heal His dad, hurting from the way His siblings hurt, the look in His mother's eyes when she looked at Him. The pain in Joseph's eyes, in each breath.  The silent, whispered into His-ears-alone taunts from the pit of hell.

The heart weeps. I think of Him bearing this alone.  Not understanding either but bound to obedience.  Obedience He learned **by the things He suffered**.  I will never hear that phrase again in a dismissive frame of mind.  My Savior suffered, not just on the cross.  Every relationship He had brought Him pain.

I was shocked to realize that.

The Father kept Him away from the death of Lazarus - perhaps the Father could not bear to put Jesus thru it a second time  where He would have to stand by and let someone else He loved die. Again.

and yes, He knew He would raise him from the dead, but in the meantime the stunned broken looks in Martha's eyes, Mary:s eyes, the accusing stares of acquaintances.  He must have felt so very very alone.  Judas was another one that wounded Him - and Peter and James and John - they saw Him transfigured and yet, when He really needed some human company and comfort at Gethsemane, they went to sleep.  Judas betrayed Him.  Perhaps He felt that one He could handle.  But Peter!  His prize pupil, His companion, His friend.  Even tho He knew it would happen, what a painful betrayal that must have been. I can't imagine the heartbroken look in Jesus's eyes as he turned to look at Peter that morning as the rooster crowed.  Amidst the deep pain, there was forgiveness.  Always forgiveness.  Jesus loves mercy the same way His 'Father loves mercy. And extends it to me, to you, every day.  His mercy is a deep down in the soul forgiveness, a fullness of mercy.

So when some paltry little wisp of suffering saunters into my life, and I am hurting and feeling alone, I pray He will remind me that He has walked the path He calls me to.  There will be nail prints in the footprints on that path.  And Lord, please, let me learn obedience by the things You choose for me to suffer. And let me suffer gladly, knowing You are moving in my soul, chiseling out some unwanted parts, sanding the parts You like until there are no more rough edges, and I fit in Your hand perfectly, a tool ready to be used.

Take a step back...

A dear friend struggles with depression and loneliness.  This is part of an email I shared with her.

Sometimes we just need to step back and look at things.  The enemy of our souls wants us to desperately think we can handle something if we were "just strong enough" - and we have a hard time admitting that we are not.  Depression is as much chemical as it is mental and spiritual, and helping to correct that chemical imbalance means the Holy Spirit can be better heard when the correction is taking hold. Those of us with limited energy available to us need to be especially careful.  A lack of sleep opens the door to the enemy quicker than other things because we're not as alert to his traps, and our perspective is shot.  He can tempt us to dwell on things we'd never even think of when we have some rest in our bodies.  Think of it as a gas tank. Like prayer, without sleep we are running on empty.

Now I'm going to ask a hard thing.  Can you take your loneliness to Jesus and ask Him to take c/o it?  I know how difficult it is to see what seems like the whole world going by  2 by 2 and here we are just one.  I often think about Jesus - He had such an amazingly sweet personality and kind heart, and I'm sure some of the women had a crush on Him.  He so loved having the little children crawl all over Him, and He probably had a crush on someone as a young boy - and constantly had to deny Himself.  Mary of Bethany knew Him so well, she could minister to His spirit when He needed it - she was the only woman Jesus wanted her deeds recorded for a memorial to her.  I think she was very special to Him - but He continually had to let go of the *good* things for the greatest thing - the will of His Father. And accept the fact that He would never have a child, in a society where having a son was everything. Like Jeremiah, God's will for Him did not include married life - I can't help but feel there were times when He felt a pang, looking at the kids crawling all around Him, and  the marriage at Cana that begins His miracles makes me wonder if He was a bit wistful, in the midst of all that joy for a couple.  Tradition says it was the wedding of John the beloved, and that he was a cousin of Jesus.  This was His entry into His public ministry, and He was paying the cost of the Father's will both before and during the next 3 years, not just the 6 hours on the cross..  Perhaps He had a hard time with it - He learned obedience by the things He *suffered* -  and He was tempted in all things, even as we are.  Matters of the heart are one of mankind's biggest pitfalls, I think His heart had to be engaged at some point for that to be true, and we know it is true.  And He chose the will of His Father over Himself, every time.

That's not to say you will be alone forever.  It's just to say when those longings come on you that you force your eyes onto Jesus as One Who understands more deeply than we will ever know until heaven.  Before something like that could happen, your heart needs to heal, and that takes time. And I can truthfully say, Jesus is enough.  Once you train those impulses to point you towards Jesus - and grit your teeth to be obedient - He will heal the pain inch by inch. When you are smarting from an ambushing memory, cry out to Him.  My usual cry is "Save me Lord, or I'll perish,!" - what Peter cried when he tried to walk on water - "and immediately, he was in the boat."  It reminds me that without the power of the Holy Spirit I am easy prey, and I will fall if I try to do it in my own strength - and with my slightest cry, He hears and rescues. I have prayed for 40 years (off and on, usually after some spectacular falling) that He would make turning to Him my first response in every situation.  After about 20 years of this, I finally began learning in my flesh I can do *no* good thing, Period. That trying to be strong and resist will never cut it - my haughty spirit will win every time - and to try to "be good" is as useless as Peter's blustering that he would *never* betray Him, even if he had to die with Him.  And we know how that turned out - not well!  We will never -repeat - never be strong enough to resist the smallest temptation - the enemy of our souls will try to distract us, or put filthy thoughts into our mind just when we are trying to pray or be quiet before the Lord.  !000 things we need to do will pop into our minds to cause us to worry (sin) or make us feel guilty (keep a notepad by you when you pray - then you can just down all the distracting things that you "need" to take c/o).  Even with worry, we need to give it to Him.  He has pledged Himself to supply our needs.  God's word to us is a pretty good assurance that He will take c/o it.  We don't realize - at least I don't - we are calling God a liar when we figure "I've got this one, Lord" and don't turn to Him in trust instead.  It was when Joshua was so certain the Gibeonites were from a far country that he made a covenant with them - not checking with God first b/c it was soo obvious - their clothes were worn, their food,mildewed.  They were so friendly and seemed so honest - and there was a little pride there too, I think.  Joshua hadn't been leader for very long, he was still learning the ropes of how to be the official leader of the strong and mighty people of God.  whoo hoo! Wasn't he somethin'!  And God knew he had to learn, and learn quickly, that apart from Him, he could do no good thing.  God didn't choose him because  he was qualified, He qualified him because He chose him. 

 And it's the same with us.  When He chooses us for something, HE puts the ability needed into that person.  remember when they built the temple, He pointed out to Solomon the man He had trained for the metal work and beauty He desired in the temple.  How many years did the guy train, not even knowing that his talent came from the Living God, not from himself.  It's the same with His choosing YOU.

You are not only pre-approved, He chose you for a reason.  Do you think my ability to share wisdom is from me? (pause here for laughter)  No way, Jose.  He gifted me to be able to speak a word in season to the hurting soul. That is a *gift* - it is not from my great store of holiness (guffaw!)
Just like the gift of tongues, it is nothing from myself, it is the gift of God. I could no more speak the tongue He gave me than I could fly - even now, I stumble over the ups and downs of the lilt to it - it sounds like Oriental to me and is quite gutteral - sometimes my tongue trips.and my throat gets tangled up in the changes to the tone.  How could I even think that my ability to know how to share His love with a hurting soul came from me?  He is the only One Who knows your innermost soul, and He is the only One Who knows how to speak to you. No human will ever be able to touch your heart with what it craves.  All humans are imperfect and will fail you at some point. All. No exceptions. And the reason we fail is that God wants us to *know* that no human is perfect.  The deepest desires of our heart
- to be totally  and tenderly loved, to have someone who will always be there, to be able to trust someone whole heartedly - that is reserved for God.  Hear me on this. No one, absolutely no one, will be able to love you that way except Him.  The evil one wants you to crave that from a man, so he can disappoint you and wound you and make you vulnerable to his lies.  Human relationships may be good, but they will never be perfect.  Jesus took the time to warn us of this, when He had recorded in His Word, that in the midst of the Hallelujahs on Palm Sunday,He didn't trust in man, because He knew what was in their hearts.

My pastor often says marriage is not to make us happy.  Marriage is to make us holy.  The imperfections in another human being is to train us in forgiveness and agape, to be the sandpaper that smoothes out the rough edges in our hearts - and this is true of any relationship, friendship as well. And motherhood is to induce humility - every woman on the face of the earth has failed at it.  Impatience has won. Anger has won. Unrighteous and fallible judgement has won. Our best efforts will fail.  Period.  **No good thing will come from us alone.** The more we try to "be good", the more we fail.  Our sin nature will keep us missing the mark until we get to heaven and have it forever buried on earth.  Only in heaven will humans be perfect.  Don't try,  Pray for His guidance and do the next thing that has to be done.  ONe step at a time He will lead us where HE wants us to go.


I know this is a lot for you to soak in.  I myself am learning as God teaches you  I'm no guru; I'm a sinner saved by *grace*, just like you. The enemy's favorite trick is to make us feel guilty b/c we aren't perfect.  We forget, We stumble. We never get it right.  Remember this:  God is the only One Who gets it right.  He does not like it when we think we can. He knows it is a futile attempt to make it without needing Him every single step along the way.  Our pride keeps telling us we are weak and stupid, and we *could* do it if we really, really tried..  Settle it once and for all: we ARE weak and stupid when it comes to being perfect.  BUT GOD(one of my favorite phrases in the Word) has chosen, redeemed, and prepared us for what He wants to accomplish, for no other reason than He loves us.

What a deal!



I hope this reaches someone who stumbled on this blog  Loneliness and depression are so common - and a lot of people feel alone even when they are busy as they can be and surrounded by people.  God  never intended for us to be alone - and He never intended us to be lonely. Sometimes, we just need to step back and look at things to realize we are sinking - and as part of God's family, we can call out to Jesus to save us or we perish.

And He will.

A Song in My Night

This is part of an email I sent one of my dearest friends today. She is going thru a rough spot - and so am I.

I went to do my daily read today and somehow wound up in Isaiah instead of Jeremiah - for two hours!

I am having a really really bad day, I'm not sleeping, having b/p problems and vicious headaches.. So I wound up "by mistake" @ Isaiah 51:4 " The LORD God has given me the tongue of the learned, that I should know how to speak a word in season to him that is weary" and that blessed me so - it is talking about "the Servant" which of course is Jesus. I looked up the words in Strong's, and "learned" refers to one who has been taught and discipled, and I immediately thought of "He learned obedience by the things that He suffered" - Jesus Himself went thru suffering to learn, just like us. I can't imagine having the evil one following our every step, second by second, to try and make us sin - yet Jesus went thru that, and more, to *learn* how to speak a word "in season" to the weary. The "in season" reminded me that, just like the seasons of the earth, there are seasons of the soul. Spring and Summer are full of learning, delight, and joy. He always gives us a season of mellow rest in the autumn, before the harsh darkness of winter that wearies the soul. And "weary" here means not just tired, but "faint, exhausted, fatigued." I so needed that today! So I asked Him, "did You have nasty headaches too?" And into my mind came a picture of the crown of thorns.

Talk about piercing my heart!

Then, verse after verse, He spoke a word in season to my heart. I want to share them with you, all from Isaiah:

42:8 "A bruised reed He shall not break, and a smoking flax (very dimly lit) He shall not quench" No matter how feeble our turning to Him, or how "dimly lit" our spirits are, our slightest turning to Him is encouraged, our weakest thought of Him is encouraged, and He will not turn away from me. I may get bruised, but I will not be broken; My spirit dim, but the tiniest spark will not be snuffed out.

43: 1b "Be not afraid, for I have redeemed you ( a finished work, pre-approved) I have called you *by name*." The King of the Universe personally knows my name, and calls me by it. Just think of that!!

43:4 "Because *you are precious in My eyes,* you are *honored* and I love you." Awesome!! God sees me and you as "precious" -no matter what we do or don't do, we are precious in His sight - AND *He* honors *us* AND He loves us!! Riches galore!!!

43:25 "It is I Who blot out your transgressions for My Own sake, and I will remember your sins no more." Did you catch that "for My Own sake"? It's not because we are worthy of it, or we become perfect and never sin again (yeah, sure) it's for *His Own* sake, nothing to do with us. He does it all!

45:22" I have caused your transgressions to vanish like a cloud, and your sins as a fog; return to Me, for I have redeemed you." My sins, your sins have vanished "like a fog"! Fog is featureless, dark and blurry - if the evil one keeps a list against us, even then God can't see it or read it because our sins are just clouds and fog. And His arms are always open to our return.

45:21b "There is no other God beside Me: I am a righteous and rescuing God; there is no God apart from Me." No matter how dark and difficult our way is, He is not only righteous, He is rescuing! He will come after us in our darkness, bringing light and love and rescue! An Awesome God, indeed!

53:6 "We, like sheep, have gone astray; we have turned, every one, to his own way; and the LORD has lain on Him the iniquity of us all." I have heard this verse a zillion times, yet today, it stood up and waved. Our sins, every bit of wayward iniquity in the deepest corner of our worthless hearts has been dug out and nailed to the cross. Period. (and lain spelled backwards is nail - just a thought.)

And thinking about sheep - John Muir was a shepherd for awhile, in Yosemite. He talked about how incredibly stupid sheep are. If they fall on their back when it rains, their unshaven fleece will keep them there, soaking up water, and they will open their mouths and drown. They will look for the teeniest patch of grass, and will focus only on it - stepping off a cliff they didn't "notice", walking into the jaws of a wolf, or stepping into a gopher hole, breaking a leg. They will sometimes wander away from the herd to give birth, making them easy prey. BUT they know their shepherds voice, however, if they keep ignoring his voice, he will break one of their legs, and carry them until it is healed, feeding it from his own hand, bringing it water, comforting and protecting. After that, they will never leave his side.

They are timid and afraid of every sound - they will only drink from quiet water - it has to be a still pond or they will die of thirst before they will drink. If a pack of wolves attacks the herd, they freeze with fear and make easy pickin's. If they stuck together and faced them down, they would chase them off.

Sometimes we do the same - isolate ourselves in our fear or weakness instead of seeking the Body for support - and facing the evil one with God's Word to make him flee from us.

And the shepherd becomes coated in lanolin from the sheep's wool. they wore canvas vests that would stand up on their own by the end of the season, pants and shoes slick as a whistle.

And smelly. Sheep and their shepherds smell the same - just like our sin, Jesus *became* smelly, hateful, horrific sin to ransom us. He "smelled" like us - no sweet savor, like God loves.
He really blessed my sox off today!

I hope this blessed you, too - God kept telling me to share what He gave me with you. I am praying He will bring His light into your darkness and rescue you wherever you are, calling you by name, blowing away the cloudy fog of sins that haunts you, and give you rest from your weariness.

The Pharisee

I voted for His death-
This ragged Galilean
The illegitimate son of God knows who
Spouting claims of divinity
And using every coincidence of healing
As a means to embarrass US,
The Pharisees, the Guardians of Israel.
What was I to do?
I admit he had a form of wisdom -
But instead of using it to teach,
He cloaked it all in stories - 
Interminable stories! - 
That always seemed to point at us.

I was present at his death
And laughed with the rest.
You must admit, it **was* a bit funny!
:This vagabond leader of publicans and fishermen,
Actually claiming he was God -
It didn't even bear thinking about!
But when the darkness began,
It was an eerie sort of darkness,
The laughing stopped.
Even a whisper seemed too loud.
The soldiers lit fires
And they, too, startled at every sound.
Their raucous questions and arguing
Over prisoner's possessions
Faded into the expectant darkness.
The flickering flames cast shadows,
Long and tall and wavy -
Every crackle and spark made us jump,
Adding to the strange uneasiness we felt.

Into this darkness came his cry -
He actually asked his "father" to forgive us -
What audacity!
And yet
The words were neither sarcastic nor condemning 
Not at all what you would expect.
But then,
He never was.

Suddenly
The ground began to tremble and shake
As if the earth itself
Felt the pain of the crosses
Plunged into its heart!

In an instant
All was still.
The light returned.
We blinked at each other and began to talk,
Forced at first, 
Absorbed by what we'd witnessed,

I stumbled home, exhausted -
It had been a long night
And an even longer day.
But now the Passover had come.
It was time 
To slay the sacrificial lamb.