Through Lynnie's Window: I'm tired of this!

Sunday, August 12, 2012

I'm tired of this!

"I'm tired of this!" I said to my Lord, "tired of the pain and the canceling of plans and the doctor's offices and no energy to do anything - not chores, not even fun stuff! I'm sick of it!!!"

"Poop!" I thought,"My head is killing me, I'm cranky and peevish and I want to quit. I've had it."

And what did my Lord say to me?

Nothing.

He waited. And waited. And waited until my tantrum was over and I was silent.

In the deep peace of His silence, He brought these words to me: "My grace is sufficient for you, for my strength is made perfect (Amplified: "builds a tent over you") in weakness" 2Cor 12:9

And it is.

His grace shelters me - like a tent - quiets me, protects me.

Is God big enough for my tantrums?

Yes, He is - and what's more, He loves me through them. His tenderness has pitched a tent over me and kept me through 24 years and counting of illness, and 15 more before that.

He knows what my spirit needs to cause me to seek Him - to seek Him in my tantrums as well as my praise.

And He knows what your spirit needs as well.

Trust Him.

1 comment:

Kate said...: Wow, Lynnie, thanks for posting this. GREAT words of wisdom from someone in the midst of the fire. God is so good to us!; August 12, 2012 at 7:35 PM

'welcome!

I am a sinner saved by grace, a writer and a poet, an unabashedly Christian woman who became ill in 1988. I am sometimes housebound, sometimes wheelchair bound, always heaven bound. In other words, I am chronically ill, which is abbreviated CI in the text. The other abbreviation is AB for the able-bodied.

My poetry is on the right side of the blog and on the poetry page.

Leave a note if you wish - all who stumble onto this blog are welcomed and prayed for. If you have never met Him I invite you to ask Him to reveal Himself to you. He has known you and loved you since before the foundation of the world. For information on how to ask Him in, go to http://www.ccgreenvalleyorg/knowHim.aspx and you will find instructions. That site also contains teaching through the Bible to help you learn and grow - and my Pastor is a great teacher!

If suicide tempts you when things are bad and life seems too hard to go on, please go to the post for 10-22-10 and prayerfully read it. Please. You are not alone. You are loved, with an everlasting love so deep it is unfathomable. Don't give up!

I invite you to accompany me on my ordinary, everyday miraculous walk with my Lord, Jesus Christ.

[And please note: both prose and poetry are copywrite protected. You are welcome to share them, but please note the source! Thank you!]

afew poems (the rest are on the poetry page)

People of the Book

Grant me, O LORD,
A vibrant, shimmering faith
That dances before You
Like David.
Gird it with strength enough
To sacrifice
My heart's desire
Without a second's hesitation
As did Abraham.
And may I be blessed to know
That the Friendship of God
Lingers in my tent
Like Job.
Enable me, too
To bear the pain
Hear songs in the night
And whisper

Through the shredded fibers of my soul
"Though He slay me
Yet shall I trust Him."

-------------

The Grasshopper

The struggle to obey never ends.

It is so much easier

To sink into the softness of sin

Excusing myself

With the gossamer ruse

Of rationalization

Than to stand and resist

On the hot glare of the battlefield.

The shimmering sword

Placed at my disposal

Wears cobwebs round its hilt

And lies

Unused

In its scabbard

While I fall before forces

That would run

At the first glimpse

Of its blade.

Forgive me, Lord,

Forgive me.

Silent Night

Here, too,

The night is Silent,

Its peace

Settling round the shoulders of the darkness

As light as a snowflake

As warm as a shawl.

Twinkling lights dance on eaves and windows,

Doors open and shut quickly -

Just long enough

For loved ones to bustle in,

For snippets of music

And laughter

To escape into the frosty air.

I wonder

If the doors on heart-shaped stables

Will open

And shut

Just as quickly

Or if, here and there,

One will fling caution to the wind

And open wide enough

To let eternity enter in.

--------

Hark!

I find within a longing to return, crawl back

To youth-seen Christmas times -

To smell again the straw-filled manger scene

And hear the child-known lowing of the stable cow,

To have my eyes stretched wonder-wide

By magic lights and sparkling beams

From tinselled, star-crowned pines.

But more, I long for toddling, trusting faith

To sense the Spirit-hush of birthing Gift,

To hear the God-babe newborn cry,

To join the threadbare, trembling shepherds

Kneeling at His feet.

I want to lead the Magi in,

See their delighted faces glow

And watch tears stream down weathered cheeks

To fall on shimmering cloaks.

Oh! Let me bow beside them there,

Prostrate before this Promised King

And worship, filled with awe,

While angels sing.

------

The Heavenly Host

Luke 2:13

The angels did not know that you would die in such a way -

And so they sang when you were born.

They did not know

That You would not be King

This time.

They watched You grow,

Tender and whole

And holy:

They guarded and protected and expected

Men to recognize the Lord of all creation.

They didn’t know we wouldn’t -

And so they sang when You were born.

They did not know

That You would not be Ruler here -

They walked beside You, listened in

And marveled at Your words,

In awe of Ancient Mystery revealed.

In disbelief

They saw their hearts’ desire

Betrayed -

And found themselves

Unable

To protect their Prince.

They crowded ‘round Gethsemane

They wept to see Your pain.

Their bloodless hearts

Bled

Nonetheless -

And yearned

And ached

And tasted weakness.

They did not know -

And so they sang when You were born.

They did not know that You would truly die

Alone

Forsaken by Your Father.

They stood beside You tip-toed

Poised,

Straining to reach out,

To lift You down,

Ready to destroy

And slay

And rescue -

And wondered that the order never came.

Oh! They did not know!

And so they sang when You were born.

They did not know that cleansing Blood was being shed

For every foolish, wayward heart

That bleats with pain and fear.

The stars You made

Shone in their eyes

As Heaven’s gates stood open- armed

At last!

At last!

To welcome weary sinners Home:

For God so loved the world He sent His Son,

His only Son,

And so,

They sang when You were born.

------------------

Lying in a Manger

Here lies the little Newborn Lamb:

with tiny rosebud hands and feet

Of grasping fingers,

Curling toes

And silky smoothness...

Too soon,

Too soon

To wear the marks of rusting nails

To tear and rip

And bruise and bleed...

For you...

For me...

And here the sweet, soft, halo’d head:

Dressed in downy tendrils

Of wispy curls

Spun fine and soft

And silky...

Too soon,

Too soon

To wear the shame of crowning thorns

To mat and clot and -

Pierced with pain,

Be borne for you...

For me...

Here beats the tiny birdlike Heart:

Steady, strong and even,

So full of trust

and singing joy

and purpose...

Too soon,

Too soon

To be unveiled by Roman spear,

Torn with pain and yearning,

Burst by overfilling

With love for you...

For me....

-----------------------

The Birth

Luke 1 and 2

“You are to be wed,” my father beamed

-And my heart filled up with shy little dreams.

Joseph was an honorable man

With gentle eyes and a strong man’s hands.

We might be poor, but we’d never starve -

Not with his talent! For he could carve

Trees that made you feel the wind

And birds that could almost fly and sing...

I stole away for a thankful prayer

To the Holy One of Israel. There

The sky flashed with a blinding light

And an angel spoke to ease the fright

That filled me. Gleaming like the sun,

He calmly said that he had come

With the message that I would soon give birth

To Messiah, King of all the Earth!

“This can’t be real! Messiah? Me?

It was so confusing - “How can this be?

The wedding is still months away!

I’ve known no man...”

Then I heard him say,

“The Holy Spirit will come upon

You, and the Child will be His Son.

Immanuel will be His Name.”

And I would never be the same.

For then it all began: in sad,

Shamed disbelief, my family had

Received the news.

And Joseph? He,

Too kind a man to publicly

Disgrace me, needed time to think.

My battered faith began to sink

Beneath the scorn of wagging tongues.

Elizabeth’s house, in Jerusalem,

Provided respite. There, I found

His reassurance would abound:

Inside her womb, her baby leapt -

Dear Liza prayed. I bowed and wept

And praised my God for faith restored -

for renewed trust in the angel’s word.

Time flew by too fast! My home,

Once welcoming, now meant “alone” -

But home I went, still to be wed

It seemed: an awestruck Joseph said

He’d had a dream and now he knew

The things I’d told him were all true.

Then came the census! “What a time

To join a caravan, when I’m

So big and clumsy.” Yet still, I smiled

For very soon the Holy Child

Would burst into the world. And He

Was destined to be royalty!

Imagine then, my deep dismay

When we could find no place to stay -

We wound up in a cattle pen

with cows, a rooster, several hens

And one unfriendly donkey.

So,

The King of Israel was born

In a stable-cave that was kept warm

By livestock.

I could have wept with shame...

When all at once, the shepherds came -

Wide-eyed, breathless, filled with awe...

They crowded all around me, saw

My lovely, swaddled newborn Son.

Trembling, they told us why they’d come,

Told what the angel said.

My Lord

Sent comfort with the shepherds’ words,

Sent men to celebrate His Birth,

And filled the sky twixt heav’n and earth

With singing angels!

I looked down

And dreamt I saw a tiny crown

Of light rest on my little King...

Then I,

Too,

Heard the angels sing.

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Sunday, August 12, 2012

I'm tired of this!

1 comment: