2Chronicles 21:18-30
Here we have the tale of David messing up again (bless his heart)- he wanted the people counted for selfish reasons - to feel like the important king of zillions of people.
God was not amused.
An avenging angel began striking his people - the very ones David had counted to puff himself up - with a plague. Finally, the first real sign of repentance bursts from David's lips "what have these sheep done? It was me, my sin - let your hand be against me and my house, not against the innocent !"(my rendering)
The moment this came from his lips, God stayed the angel's hand.
Right at the threshing floor of Ornan.
In 2 Samuel 24 he is called "Araunah" - the pre-Israelite/Canaanite name for the same thing. Calling him "Ornan" implies that he has put himself under the care of the Hebrew God - perhaps between the writing of 2 Samuel and 1Chonicles.
I like this guy.
His 4 sons are with him threshing grain - when the avenging angel stops, right at his property! The 4 sons hide.
Not Ornan. Our hero goes right on with his threshing. Why wasn't he also afraid?
Perhaps he'd been to the temple that morning and offered sacrifices for himself and his sons, and knew that he was "prayed up". Perhaps he was feeling the joy of the newly forgiven, content to continue his work until a) the angel took him to Abraham's bosom; b) the angel recognized his forgiven status and passed him by; or c) he wanted to model for his sons courage and trust in his new-found God.
Whatever the reason, David comes upon him and wants to buy his land to sacrifice to God.
Now, a little background.
This couldn't be Ornan's ancestral land, or it would go back to him @Jubilee, and this doesn't. In fact, this becomes the land upon which the Temple is built. So it must be part of the city land that Ornan had bought for the express purpose of threshing - the grain was tread upon by oxen, loosening it from its stalks and crushing the outer hard layer. The grain was then tossed into the air and the wind blew away the chaff. This land was on the top of Mt. Moriah, the winds would hit the top of the mount with unimpeded strength: perfect for a threshing floor.
This must have been a major purchase for Ornan - he was not a rich man, or he wouldn't be doing the threshing himself with his four sons. Servants/hirelings would be doing it. So this represented a step up for him, a smart purchase of valuable real estate. Which makes what happens next all the more amazing.
When David tells him he wants the land to sacrifice to God, Ornan doesn't miss a beat: he immediately responds "It's yours. And look! How fortunate! Here's two oxen for the sacrifice - and oh! Wouldn't the yoke make great kindling? Oh! and here is grain to complete the sacrificial offering. Here - take it all. I give it to you, free and clear." (My paraphrase)
In one translation it says, "...and Araunah, like a king, gives all he has to King David..." (2Sam 24:18-24) And God, in His delight over Ornan's open hand (and heart) - over this ordinary, middle class worker bee, just going about his life ( and shining like gold in the eyes of God ) - God thinks so highly of Ornan that He records it for all posterity.
Because Ornan held back not a single, solitary thing - not an ox, not an expensive, custom made-so-they-don't-rub-the-shoulder-raw wooden yoke, not a single grain of wheat: not one thing. I hear excitement in his offer, see shining eyes, a heart full of joy that something of his would be worthy to be offered to God in the name of his king!
But David knows that a sacrifice is not a sacrifice if it's free. He would not offer to his God that which cost him nothing.
Lion heart to lion heart. Deep calling unto deep. Child of God giving to God from his heart, not just his pocket.
Every time I read this section, I am humbled by it.
As a CI, I don't have much. And what little I have, truthfully, I have not always held with an open hand. But if I really think about it, all of it belongs to Him in the first place. What I "hold onto" (tightly) is an illusion - should God choose, like the chaff, He could blow it away with a single puff. He can also choose to provide more.
The challenge this presents to me is to consider this: Here I am, standing in front of my meager little pile of flotsam and jetsam, holding to my heart useless remnants of the world. Do I continue in this stance?
Or do I have the courage to step aside, flinging my arms wide, fists open, palms facing up, in a glorious abandonment of self, and "like a king" give my all to Him, holding nothing back?
Do you?
Just a little something for both of us to ponder....
Monday, September 24, 2012
Sunday, September 16, 2012
The Everlasting Arms
When I was a girl, my uncle had a home in a tiny town on the Wisconsin border. It had 2 churches, 3 saloons and 4 feed stores, and the population was something like 100. Growing up in California, I had yet to be enchanted by fireflies and their magic spell, or the friendly sound of cricket choirs chirping in the soft darkness. I had never heard church bells ringing on a Sunday, or a sky so full of stars it took my breath away. It was the end of summer, and the nights were no longer full of mosquitoes or the oppressive humidity that left you turning over your pillow looking for the cool spot and shifting your position to catch the faintest of breezes through the open windows (no air conditioning in those days!)
I was given the privilege of sleeping on a cot in the basement, which also enchanted me - we didn't have basements or attics in California either, and the earthy smell and cool feel of the cement on my bare feet became the instantly recognizable scent and feel of summers in the Midwest. One whiff in the years to come, and I was instantly back in Stitzer.
I sat out front on the stairs while the adults chatted inside. There were very few houses near the town, and the quiet intrigued me. The air felt as soft as velvet, and all sound had a muted quality, so that when you spoke, you found yourself speaking in hushed, quiet tones. God's cricket choir serenaded the dew; somewhere a back screen door slapped against its wooden frame; a lonely dog gave a single bark as if to remind his owners that he was still there, in case anybody wanted to come and give him a pat. It seemed to me I'd sat there for hours when I first heard it, faintly, in the distance: the aching, lonely sound of a train whistle nearing an intersection (the town only had one). It seemed to capture everything I was feeling; all the pent up emotion that had been stuffed inside for the last year came bubbling to the surface:
For on the previous Christmas Eve morning I had awakened to the sound of my Grandmother's keening, calling my grandfather's name in Swedish (altho he'd been dead for 11 years) and my mother's counterpart crying of my father's name. He was groaning, eyes open, staring into eternity, not conscious. My mother was begging him not to die.
But he did.
I was 16 years old.
I remember nothing else about that day except that nothing seemed real. A neighborhood friend just recently filled in the blanks for me - how I'd come to her house and in a deadpan voice told her my father was dead. It seemed all I wanted to do was walk around in the neighborhood, it didn't matter where, just walking. She was a good enough friend to stay with me and let me talk - mostly about my dad. We wound up eventually in my garage where I showed her the things my father had designed and built for the upcoming mandatory science fair. For me.
I remember none of it.
I had just begun to realize my dad was a man - I mean besides being father to four children and going to work every day. Just beginning to know him as a person. Just beginning to ask for advice - and listening earnestly to the answers.The summer before we had painted my bedroom together, and he had taught me the proper way to move the brush so no streaks showed; how careful to be cutting in, especially on windows; how to clean the brushes with turpentine, again and again and again, until all traces of paint were gone from the brushes.
And then he was gone from my life forever.
Jesus had not yet come into my life and I didn't know where to put my grief. For the longest time I couldn't cry, couldn't put on a show for the relatives who had come from all points to the funeral, only to find the stunned Unfeeling Daughter Who Wouldn't Cry. The sound of the train's long, low, drawn out horn in Stitzer stirred it all up. From that day forward, the sound of the midnight train sounding its horn and its kindred spirit of the single, crooning bass note of the foghorn as it sounded warnings across the bay, settled over my shoulders with a warm sense of melancholy. I felt as if the sky itself had its arms around me, that at last I was understood, and, finally, I could cry.
I still miss him.
And then, in my 20's, I met Jesus, met my Heavenly Father, and the Holy Spirit filled me with the knowledge that He owns me forever, and nothing I can do will change that.
After 15 years of walking with Him I got sick. Really sick.
Then God, in His graciousness, had my doctor go to a continuing education conference the night before I saw him - and could instantly diagnose me and send me on to a specialist, when a host of other CIs with the same illness took years. Both doctors filled out endless paperwork to assure that I was provided benefits when most others were being turned down; God put it into their hearts to fight for me. At one point one of the docs said to me, "I think I lost your benefits - this guy called me and I got into a shouting match with him. I'm so sorry."
The next day I was notified that my claim had been accepted.
From that day forward, God has walked before, behind, and beside me. He provides parking places close to the door on days when I am particularly weak. Parking places in the shade when here in the desert it is over 100 degrees and as dry as an oxen's skull. A doctor I trust who studies whatever information I give her about my disease and frets with me that nothing cures it, and I take a zillion drugs that treat symptoms only - and take other drugs to counteract the side effects of the first ones.
He has carried me through the deaths of 5 of the 7 of us that gathered round the kitchen table of my youth. The latest was the death of my baby brother, 9 years younger. I had changed his diaper, helped him learn how to walk. Kept his spirits up when he had an emergency appendectomy at age 6. Mourned with him through a series of murders he had witnessed and narrowly escaped at age 15. He had grown up to be my caretaker, doing grocery shopping, picking up Rx's, carting me hither and yon. There was no warning.
I was at a retreat I had awaited with great anticipation when the directors found me and told me I needed to call home. I did, and my remaining brother told me he had died.
I thought this blow would be fatal. It felt like my child had died.
For weeks I felt as if I couldn't breathe. I fretted constantly about his eternal address as I knew he hadn't been walking the walk. I found myself crying and weeping as one who had no hope.
Then God said to me, "There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus..."
For that night I was fine. The next day the fear returned, churning up my heart, tearing at my peace. I began to sob, the pain so deep I thought my heart would burst. I remember I tried to muffle the sounds with the pillow, burying my head in it.
And into that furor came a resounding Voice that brooked no opposition.
With the most clarity I have ever heard God speak, He said, "It is impossible for Me to lie."
In the deep silence that followed, finally, I was able to rest - truly rest - in Him.
Why am I telling you this?
Because all of us, CI or AB, act sometimes as if Scripture isn't true. We don't say it, but our actions imply it. And I was one who, not meaning to, had called God a liar by my actions.
That doesn't mean I never cried again, or grieved over his absence; it means I never grieved without hope again. And God is so gracious that He impressed a picture on my heart of my brother with hands upraised praising Him, then turning to me and winking. Weeks later I found He had sent the same picture to my nephew.
It sets me to wondering how many times I have called God a liar in my life - and I'm trying to reduce that number in the future. When I fret over something - although His Word tells me He is in control. When I silently fume that someone is stepping all over "my rights" or when someone "sins" against me and I hold onto anger instead of comparing that "slight" to the mountain of sins I have been forgiven. I am doing it when I have been left out, yet again, and gather the hurt to my heart - instead of choosing, as Amy Carmichael did, to "see in it a chance to die" [to self] and realize I must forgive and let God.
As a CI it is more difficult than ever to relinquish control (even though any control I try to wield is really an illusion). Anything that messes up our carefully planned days is disconcerting, to say the least, when you know that that small thing can possibly have big consequences.
The only way I have found to fight the "fear of the precipice" that lives in every CI, is to trust Him - with gritted teeth, if necessary - and remind myself that when the day comes for me to fall from that precipice (and it will) the Everlasting Arms will be underneath me.
The word I have chosen to characterize this year was "teachable". One thing that I have learned is that trusting Him is the basic, essential ingredient of the Christian walk. For those of you who are joining me on this journey, I pray that your deep knowledge of the eternal Arms underneath you will give you the courage and the joy to face each day - and even the precipice - with Him by your side.
I was given the privilege of sleeping on a cot in the basement, which also enchanted me - we didn't have basements or attics in California either, and the earthy smell and cool feel of the cement on my bare feet became the instantly recognizable scent and feel of summers in the Midwest. One whiff in the years to come, and I was instantly back in Stitzer.
I sat out front on the stairs while the adults chatted inside. There were very few houses near the town, and the quiet intrigued me. The air felt as soft as velvet, and all sound had a muted quality, so that when you spoke, you found yourself speaking in hushed, quiet tones. God's cricket choir serenaded the dew; somewhere a back screen door slapped against its wooden frame; a lonely dog gave a single bark as if to remind his owners that he was still there, in case anybody wanted to come and give him a pat. It seemed to me I'd sat there for hours when I first heard it, faintly, in the distance: the aching, lonely sound of a train whistle nearing an intersection (the town only had one). It seemed to capture everything I was feeling; all the pent up emotion that had been stuffed inside for the last year came bubbling to the surface:
For on the previous Christmas Eve morning I had awakened to the sound of my Grandmother's keening, calling my grandfather's name in Swedish (altho he'd been dead for 11 years) and my mother's counterpart crying of my father's name. He was groaning, eyes open, staring into eternity, not conscious. My mother was begging him not to die.
But he did.
I was 16 years old.
I remember nothing else about that day except that nothing seemed real. A neighborhood friend just recently filled in the blanks for me - how I'd come to her house and in a deadpan voice told her my father was dead. It seemed all I wanted to do was walk around in the neighborhood, it didn't matter where, just walking. She was a good enough friend to stay with me and let me talk - mostly about my dad. We wound up eventually in my garage where I showed her the things my father had designed and built for the upcoming mandatory science fair. For me.
I remember none of it.
I had just begun to realize my dad was a man - I mean besides being father to four children and going to work every day. Just beginning to know him as a person. Just beginning to ask for advice - and listening earnestly to the answers.The summer before we had painted my bedroom together, and he had taught me the proper way to move the brush so no streaks showed; how careful to be cutting in, especially on windows; how to clean the brushes with turpentine, again and again and again, until all traces of paint were gone from the brushes.
And then he was gone from my life forever.
Jesus had not yet come into my life and I didn't know where to put my grief. For the longest time I couldn't cry, couldn't put on a show for the relatives who had come from all points to the funeral, only to find the stunned Unfeeling Daughter Who Wouldn't Cry. The sound of the train's long, low, drawn out horn in Stitzer stirred it all up. From that day forward, the sound of the midnight train sounding its horn and its kindred spirit of the single, crooning bass note of the foghorn as it sounded warnings across the bay, settled over my shoulders with a warm sense of melancholy. I felt as if the sky itself had its arms around me, that at last I was understood, and, finally, I could cry.
I still miss him.
And then, in my 20's, I met Jesus, met my Heavenly Father, and the Holy Spirit filled me with the knowledge that He owns me forever, and nothing I can do will change that.
After 15 years of walking with Him I got sick. Really sick.
Then God, in His graciousness, had my doctor go to a continuing education conference the night before I saw him - and could instantly diagnose me and send me on to a specialist, when a host of other CIs with the same illness took years. Both doctors filled out endless paperwork to assure that I was provided benefits when most others were being turned down; God put it into their hearts to fight for me. At one point one of the docs said to me, "I think I lost your benefits - this guy called me and I got into a shouting match with him. I'm so sorry."
The next day I was notified that my claim had been accepted.
From that day forward, God has walked before, behind, and beside me. He provides parking places close to the door on days when I am particularly weak. Parking places in the shade when here in the desert it is over 100 degrees and as dry as an oxen's skull. A doctor I trust who studies whatever information I give her about my disease and frets with me that nothing cures it, and I take a zillion drugs that treat symptoms only - and take other drugs to counteract the side effects of the first ones.
He has carried me through the deaths of 5 of the 7 of us that gathered round the kitchen table of my youth. The latest was the death of my baby brother, 9 years younger. I had changed his diaper, helped him learn how to walk. Kept his spirits up when he had an emergency appendectomy at age 6. Mourned with him through a series of murders he had witnessed and narrowly escaped at age 15. He had grown up to be my caretaker, doing grocery shopping, picking up Rx's, carting me hither and yon. There was no warning.
I was at a retreat I had awaited with great anticipation when the directors found me and told me I needed to call home. I did, and my remaining brother told me he had died.
I thought this blow would be fatal. It felt like my child had died.
For weeks I felt as if I couldn't breathe. I fretted constantly about his eternal address as I knew he hadn't been walking the walk. I found myself crying and weeping as one who had no hope.
Then God said to me, "There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus..."
For that night I was fine. The next day the fear returned, churning up my heart, tearing at my peace. I began to sob, the pain so deep I thought my heart would burst. I remember I tried to muffle the sounds with the pillow, burying my head in it.
And into that furor came a resounding Voice that brooked no opposition.
With the most clarity I have ever heard God speak, He said, "It is impossible for Me to lie."
In the deep silence that followed, finally, I was able to rest - truly rest - in Him.
Why am I telling you this?
Because all of us, CI or AB, act sometimes as if Scripture isn't true. We don't say it, but our actions imply it. And I was one who, not meaning to, had called God a liar by my actions.
That doesn't mean I never cried again, or grieved over his absence; it means I never grieved without hope again. And God is so gracious that He impressed a picture on my heart of my brother with hands upraised praising Him, then turning to me and winking. Weeks later I found He had sent the same picture to my nephew.
It sets me to wondering how many times I have called God a liar in my life - and I'm trying to reduce that number in the future. When I fret over something - although His Word tells me He is in control. When I silently fume that someone is stepping all over "my rights" or when someone "sins" against me and I hold onto anger instead of comparing that "slight" to the mountain of sins I have been forgiven. I am doing it when I have been left out, yet again, and gather the hurt to my heart - instead of choosing, as Amy Carmichael did, to "see in it a chance to die" [to self] and realize I must forgive and let God.
As a CI it is more difficult than ever to relinquish control (even though any control I try to wield is really an illusion). Anything that messes up our carefully planned days is disconcerting, to say the least, when you know that that small thing can possibly have big consequences.
The only way I have found to fight the "fear of the precipice" that lives in every CI, is to trust Him - with gritted teeth, if necessary - and remind myself that when the day comes for me to fall from that precipice (and it will) the Everlasting Arms will be underneath me.
The word I have chosen to characterize this year was "teachable". One thing that I have learned is that trusting Him is the basic, essential ingredient of the Christian walk. For those of you who are joining me on this journey, I pray that your deep knowledge of the eternal Arms underneath you will give you the courage and the joy to face each day - and even the precipice - with Him by your side.
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
Oh Danny Boy
Daniel 10:10
"O Daniel, man greatly beloved..."
That is how the angel in Daniel's last vision addressed him.
I'm so jealous.
I can't imagine the honor of being addressed in such a way - obviously this angel had heard God call Daniel this - and in my mind's eye (or mind's ear) I hear tenderness in the voice of God saying " Go tell my greatly beloved and faithful servant Daniel what will happen in the last days..."
I so much want to be a good and faithful servant.
I so rarely am either one.
How is it possible to be privileged to know the King of the universe, the Creator of all things, the One Who died rather than live without me - how is it possible to be distracted from that great Gift? How can I possibly complain about anything in my life when the great mystery of my existence (that God chose me from before the foundation of the world - for reasons only He knows) is there, shining fiercely , radiating eternal Love?
I should be thanking Him for each breath, for the gift of eternal Life, reigning and ruling with Him for 1000 years in Jerusalem, and not going to hell, where I belong.
No, I am not a sinner of "big" sins - just an ordinary, everyday, garden variety sinner. Yet in God's eyes, I was as black as night - or, rather, drenched in scarlet - and He made me white as snow. How can it be that I am not face down before Him, thanking Him every single second of my life for paying my way into the Holy of Holies? [see April, "The Price He Paid"] How is it that I am indifferent to His majesty, going about my grocery shopping in a more intent manner than I "practice the presence of God?" How am I not overwhelmed by the ability to call this Being, this Unfathomable One, "Papa"?
How?
I have no answer.
To my shame.
Papa, please light a torch inside of me, one that blazes through the universe with Love for You. Place a compass inside my heart that always, always points me to You (and as I pray that prayer, I realize He already has: He's called the Holy Spirit.) Teach me Your ways, that I might be always pleasing to You.
I saw a cartoon the other day, with a giant mosquito in it.
The caption read, "I want to be so filled with the Holy Spirit that when a mosquito bites me, he flies away singing "There's power in the Blood..."
Make it so, Papa, oh please, make it so.
Amen.
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
Is it worth it?
In Thee do I put my trust. Psalm 7:1
The weekend of the 1st, I got a treat.
Thanks to my sil, I was able to get out of the house and go to the Utah Shakespeare Festival. We try to go every year. I grew up in San Diego with the Old Globe Theater, and I thought when I moved to the desert that was all over.
But, surprisingly, we discovered that within a 3 hour drive, there was Shakespeare!
To get there, my sil drove both ways. Usually we stay overnight there, but since the plays we wanted to see were 48 hours apart, we decided to drive home and then back again.
Bad move.
I didn't think twice about it - not realizing that that meant 16 straight hours from here to the play and back again, getting home about 130 am.
I was exhausted.
And 48 hours later I got to do it again!
By the end of the second marathon day I felt like a puddle on the floor with my eyes sticking out. The next morning when I awakened, I was so dizzy I couldn't stand up. I was severely nauseated and every muscle screamed. It was scary. I haven't had a rebound that severe in a long time. I had to call my sil for help it was so bad.
Praise God, it only took less than 24 hours in bed - in fact, by that evening I could get up by myself and the anti-nausea drugs were working well.
And I started to think about what certain things are worth.
Had I known what the aftermath would be, what would I have chosen? Well...I would have gone anyway. The productions at USU are top notch - and Merry Wives of Windsor is a favorite play - with front row seats yet! The theater is built to the specs of Shakespeare's theater in England, the acoustics wonderful, the open-air setting perfect for an end-of-summer night - in the low 80's, the feel of dew in the air, the fresh scent of new-mown grass, a million stars overhead, and a sweet, gentle zephyr of a breeze that wandered in and out of the theater. Plus, a surprise show-stealing actor that made Falstaff, the usual buffoon of the comedy, pale in comparison. It was a perfect Shakespearean evening.
Yes, I would have chosen to go.
As I look back over the 3+ decades of walking with my King, I see the difficulties and the setbacks, the pain and sorrow, the bleak days that seemed endless with some unknown disease stalking me, the loss of a profession I loved.
Had I known, would I have chosen Him?
My heart answers with an unequivocal, resounding YES!
The "Bubble, bubble, toil and trouble..." (couldn't resist quoting Shakespeare!) of this life are nothing compared to the joy and comfort of His presence, the sure knowing that the One Who has chosen me to be His can be trusted, that the lessons woven into the pain are worth deciphering, that His presence in my life turned it from black and white into Living Color.
And the interesting thing, to me, is that when I look back over the years, it wasn't all that hard, really. He made even the things I considered unbearable bearable. When my heart had been rendered what I considered a fatal blow, He picked up the pieces and put me back together - the hole, to be sure, is still there, but it is no longer a jagged-edged crater. The edges have healed into smoothness, the shrunken hole a testament to His faithfulness, the pang of remembrance no longer a twisting knife. He has taught me not to be afraid of the darkness, for He will always light a candle in that darkness to lead me Home.
Always.
He is worth more than anything this world can throw at me.
And that is why I can say with no reservation : "In Thee do I put my trust."
The weekend of the 1st, I got a treat.
Thanks to my sil, I was able to get out of the house and go to the Utah Shakespeare Festival. We try to go every year. I grew up in San Diego with the Old Globe Theater, and I thought when I moved to the desert that was all over.
But, surprisingly, we discovered that within a 3 hour drive, there was Shakespeare!
To get there, my sil drove both ways. Usually we stay overnight there, but since the plays we wanted to see were 48 hours apart, we decided to drive home and then back again.
Bad move.
I didn't think twice about it - not realizing that that meant 16 straight hours from here to the play and back again, getting home about 130 am.
I was exhausted.
And 48 hours later I got to do it again!
By the end of the second marathon day I felt like a puddle on the floor with my eyes sticking out. The next morning when I awakened, I was so dizzy I couldn't stand up. I was severely nauseated and every muscle screamed. It was scary. I haven't had a rebound that severe in a long time. I had to call my sil for help it was so bad.
Praise God, it only took less than 24 hours in bed - in fact, by that evening I could get up by myself and the anti-nausea drugs were working well.
And I started to think about what certain things are worth.
Yes, I would have chosen to go.
As I look back over the 3+ decades of walking with my King, I see the difficulties and the setbacks, the pain and sorrow, the bleak days that seemed endless with some unknown disease stalking me, the loss of a profession I loved.
Had I known, would I have chosen Him?
My heart answers with an unequivocal, resounding YES!
The "Bubble, bubble, toil and trouble..." (couldn't resist quoting Shakespeare!) of this life are nothing compared to the joy and comfort of His presence, the sure knowing that the One Who has chosen me to be His can be trusted, that the lessons woven into the pain are worth deciphering, that His presence in my life turned it from black and white into Living Color.
And the interesting thing, to me, is that when I look back over the years, it wasn't all that hard, really. He made even the things I considered unbearable bearable. When my heart had been rendered what I considered a fatal blow, He picked up the pieces and put me back together - the hole, to be sure, is still there, but it is no longer a jagged-edged crater. The edges have healed into smoothness, the shrunken hole a testament to His faithfulness, the pang of remembrance no longer a twisting knife. He has taught me not to be afraid of the darkness, for He will always light a candle in that darkness to lead me Home.
Always.
He is worth more than anything this world can throw at me.
And that is why I can say with no reservation : "In Thee do I put my trust."
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
A bit of Daniel
"And you have praised the gods of silver and gold, bronze and iron, wood and stone, which do not see or hear or know; and the God Who holds your breath in His hand and owns all your ways, you have not glorified." Daniel 5:23b NKJB
This was a hard day.
With all the glorious monsoons (and one building today) all of my symptoms are kicked up a notch (or 2 or 3). I awakened with my dreaded enemy, the headache, already well established. So all of my muscles decided to declare mutiny and join my head. I felt like I had a bad case of the flu and wanted to crawl under my covers and hibernate. I felt so befuddled it was hard to find words or the energy even for a shower.
But, alas, I had a doc appt , which, having already cancelled once, I had to go to today. God bless my sil, she drove me as I would have been a menace on the road. I downed some strong pain medication and an hour later was able to go. My reaction when the meds kick in is always one of great relief. They sometimes don't take the pain away, but they make it bearable.
On the way we saw the glorious monsoon clouds puffing and the winds starting to rise and the pouring collapse of a cloud over the mountains - a grey curtain of rain blotting out features in the landscape, gigantic bolts of lightning flashing through the black clouds. It's one of my favorite things here - it's so enormous and wild with power it's awe-inspiring
After a long visit with my doc, a handful of new Rxs and orders for my yearly mammogram, I left - and while we were out we went to a local restaurant to eat. We always say grace even when we are out - but today we forgot.
I wasn't able to do my quiet time or Bible reading this morning, so when we got home, I began to read - obviously I am now in the book of Daniel. I prayed beforehand, asking Him to give me something to share with you - and instead He shared something with me.
I read the verse above and the Holy Spirit Spotlight hit me between the eyes.
I had spent my day praising the gods of wind and rain, the god of medicine and pain relief, even praising the food in the restaurant..
But I had not taken even a second to glorify the God Who holds my breath in His hands and owns all my ways.
So I stopped right then and glorified Him , repenting of giving the glory that belongs to Him to another, and meditating on how often I do it.
How many times have I listened to a song, or seen a movie, or read a book, or watched tv, or enjoyed a storm and never given Him a thought? I think of all the kids, "good Christian kids" (among which are a cherished niece and nephew) who fall prey to secular music about the things forbidden to them by God - and they fill their minds and hearts with it. I see their standards corroding and satan's siren song wooing them inch by inch - the same way my heart is wooed. And my heart breaks for them, for the needless sorrows and health problems and separation from the One Who holds their breath in His hands and owns all their ways.
And He owns my CI - one of those things included in the"all" as in "...owns all my ways". And I ask myself, how often do I glorify Him in my CI, or bow before His ways in my life without that moment of whiny complaint :"My head hurts - groan- snivel -gripe"
I'm not advocating a cement-fortified upper lip here, I'm simply saying - mostly for myself - it's time to lay those hurts at His feet and thank Him for the medicine that helps, the storms that make the day glorious, the music or things that soothe and bring joy and laughter. Because He gives, along with the CI, ways to get through the day, small things to delight the soul, gigantic storms to revel "safely" in His magnificent power - a power so great the Word tell us we see but "the edges of His ways", the tiniest portion. I think of the giant storms - the monsoons (tiny compared to the hurricanes now hitting the south - or the strength of a tornado) and it boggles the mind that this is His power carefully controlled - not yet unleashed in the inconceivable amounts judgement of this earth will require.
And that doesn't even begin the list of things that should drop me face down before Him each day - things like eyes that see, ears that hear, muscles and limbs that respond to my commands, the awesome envelope containing my flesh and blood I call "skin" - it would take all day to name them all.
To my shame, I rarely name any of them.
So, my Lord and King, I ask you to give me a heart so thankful that I glorify You every day. Give me eyes that see each gift You slip into my days to give me joy - and a heart to see the Giver behind them. Cause my ears to hear Your slightest whisper - and grant me a will that hastens to obey. Keep me close to You, Papa, don't let me slide away one inch at a time - give me a heart like Your servant Daniel's - faithful and true
Amen..
This was a hard day.
With all the glorious monsoons (and one building today) all of my symptoms are kicked up a notch (or 2 or 3). I awakened with my dreaded enemy, the headache, already well established. So all of my muscles decided to declare mutiny and join my head. I felt like I had a bad case of the flu and wanted to crawl under my covers and hibernate. I felt so befuddled it was hard to find words or the energy even for a shower.
But, alas, I had a doc appt , which, having already cancelled once, I had to go to today. God bless my sil, she drove me as I would have been a menace on the road. I downed some strong pain medication and an hour later was able to go. My reaction when the meds kick in is always one of great relief. They sometimes don't take the pain away, but they make it bearable.
On the way we saw the glorious monsoon clouds puffing and the winds starting to rise and the pouring collapse of a cloud over the mountains - a grey curtain of rain blotting out features in the landscape, gigantic bolts of lightning flashing through the black clouds. It's one of my favorite things here - it's so enormous and wild with power it's awe-inspiring
After a long visit with my doc, a handful of new Rxs and orders for my yearly mammogram, I left - and while we were out we went to a local restaurant to eat. We always say grace even when we are out - but today we forgot.
I wasn't able to do my quiet time or Bible reading this morning, so when we got home, I began to read - obviously I am now in the book of Daniel. I prayed beforehand, asking Him to give me something to share with you - and instead He shared something with me.
I read the verse above and the Holy Spirit Spotlight hit me between the eyes.
I had spent my day praising the gods of wind and rain, the god of medicine and pain relief, even praising the food in the restaurant..
But I had not taken even a second to glorify the God Who holds my breath in His hands and owns all my ways.
So I stopped right then and glorified Him , repenting of giving the glory that belongs to Him to another, and meditating on how often I do it.
How many times have I listened to a song, or seen a movie, or read a book, or watched tv, or enjoyed a storm and never given Him a thought? I think of all the kids, "good Christian kids" (among which are a cherished niece and nephew) who fall prey to secular music about the things forbidden to them by God - and they fill their minds and hearts with it. I see their standards corroding and satan's siren song wooing them inch by inch - the same way my heart is wooed. And my heart breaks for them, for the needless sorrows and health problems and separation from the One Who holds their breath in His hands and owns all their ways.
And He owns my CI - one of those things included in the"all" as in "...owns all my ways". And I ask myself, how often do I glorify Him in my CI, or bow before His ways in my life without that moment of whiny complaint :"My head hurts - groan- snivel -gripe"
I'm not advocating a cement-fortified upper lip here, I'm simply saying - mostly for myself - it's time to lay those hurts at His feet and thank Him for the medicine that helps, the storms that make the day glorious, the music or things that soothe and bring joy and laughter. Because He gives, along with the CI, ways to get through the day, small things to delight the soul, gigantic storms to revel "safely" in His magnificent power - a power so great the Word tell us we see but "the edges of His ways", the tiniest portion. I think of the giant storms - the monsoons (tiny compared to the hurricanes now hitting the south - or the strength of a tornado) and it boggles the mind that this is His power carefully controlled - not yet unleashed in the inconceivable amounts judgement of this earth will require.
And that doesn't even begin the list of things that should drop me face down before Him each day - things like eyes that see, ears that hear, muscles and limbs that respond to my commands, the awesome envelope containing my flesh and blood I call "skin" - it would take all day to name them all.
To my shame, I rarely name any of them.
So, my Lord and King, I ask you to give me a heart so thankful that I glorify You every day. Give me eyes that see each gift You slip into my days to give me joy - and a heart to see the Giver behind them. Cause my ears to hear Your slightest whisper - and grant me a will that hastens to obey. Keep me close to You, Papa, don't let me slide away one inch at a time - give me a heart like Your servant Daniel's - faithful and true
Amen..
Sunday, August 19, 2012
A little disobedience goes a long way
To all the heartbreaking sadness of the week I add 2 youngsters, ages 10 and 6, swept away over a waterfall at Yosemite while their parents watched helplessly - during a retreat @ a family camp. One child's body is yet to be found, please include them in your prayers. The mother was injured trying to save her sons.
All of this put me into a rage @Adam. (see the poem on the poetry page). I've been meditating on this for a while now, thinking through the scenario and its aftermath.
Eve sinned too, yes. But Eve was deceived. I don't think she tried to evade responsibility, as many seem to think. She merely stated what happened: the serpent deceived her and she ate. Why do I think this? Because even though her pain was increased in childbirth, it wasn't a curse.
Adam, on the other hand, had the whole earth cursed for his sake - thorns, thistles, drought, marauding insects, and the biggie, death. Why was he cursed? Because he tried to point the finger at Eve ("The woman You gave me...") and, incidentally, at God.
But Adam went one further than disobedience. Adam went into full blown idolatry.
He saw Eve, "his woman". He saw she was naked - the implications of the Hebrew are that Adam and Eve were clothed with light, like their Father. Without that clothing Adam knew she would die. So now the question is, do I choose to love God more than Eve and obey? Or do I choose to put Eve before God?
We know his choice.
Adam doesn't even pretend he didn't sin, he just tries to shift the blame, something Cain picked up to follow in dad's footsteps.
It boggles the mind to think of all the repercussions. In one fell swoop, Adam unleashes sin in all its infamous forms - and the very next generation begins the manifestation : murder, lies, evasion, jealousy, and all beginning, again, with disobedience.
Cain knew that all sacrifices to God must include the shedding of blood: that was the consequence of sin, as God killed an animal to provide them with clothing. He had to shed blood to "cover" their sin. So without shedding of blood there is no remission of sin. Cain knew this.
But Cain was a farmer. His produce fed everyone - remember, this was before the flood so all - even animals - were vegetarians (which explains how Noah could have lions and sheep on the boat and enough food for everyone without slaughtering any other animals to feed the lions - but I digress) So Cain, proud of supplying all the food for his family, didn't mess with that untidy blood spilling, he just brought the best of his harvest, soooo much better than a dead sheep.
And better than that dumb Able, who raised sheep which, yes, provided clothing too, but what good was clothing without food? Cain's stuff was much more important than Able's stuff, wasn't it?
Well...no, in this case, it wasn't. Without shedding of blood the sacrifice couldn't be acceptable. Once again, disobedience enters the picture. Cain wanted to be accepted on his own terms. Wasn't he as good as Able? (so here comes "Mom always liked you best.") The problem was that his eyes weren't on God as much as they were on Able. He wasn't sacrificing, he was showing off.
And God shot him down.
So instead of repenting, he got mad at Able- because at least he knew enough not to get mad at God, or blame Him like his dad , Adam did. And envy did what it always does: it kills. It colors situations and insinuates evil motives into the most innocent of occurrences. And Cain did, literally, what envy always does in the heart. He killed that uppity Able.
While I was contemplating these beginnings of "the pride of life" that is so rampant in our culture, I stopped a moment to consider the One Who created these children, to love and nurture them, teach and guide them, and how heartbroken (understatement) He was, watching satan's evil permeate the hearts of His kids. Cain's cry of "unfair!" echoes down through the centuries, as satan begins to poison the heart of man against his Creator, camouflaging his own sinister attacks as being God's fault.
satan made Cain feel "less than" by his disobedience - and when God told him he would be accepted if he simply did it right, even warning him about satan waiting to devour him, Cain heard none of it. To him, it was a slap in the face. His produce was perfect. He was so proud of it. That was a part of himself he brought to God, and God wouldn't take it.
Evil God.,
I find it really interesting that part of Cain's punishment was that he could never grown anything again - which, finally, broke through his sullen, silent rebelliousness against God as he cries "This is more than I can bear!"
Poor me. Poor, poor me.
And the evil one has been so successful with this strategy that God is never thought of when abundance and mercy are overflowing - only when something horrific happens do we say "How could a merciful God allow this to happen?"
It happens because mankind has said, over and over, "Don't tell me what I can and can't do - who made you God?"
So God stepped back and said ,"Go for it."
And wept.
As the result of all this, dear Grandfather Adam opened the door for our CI as well. And as I contemplated in anger all of the pain and sorrow and anguish he unleashed with his one act of disobedience, my Papa gently tapped me on the shoulder to show me my own - waaaaaaaaaaay more than one act of disobedience - and the pain I have caused others.
God says "I desire obedience more than sacrifice" - to clue us in. His laws are meant to protect us, not hem us in or be a killjoy. He wants us to have true joy, not satan's sated imitation. He wants us to be unburdened by memories that make us cringe with guilt, embarrassment, anguish. He wants us undeceived and in love with Him - not trying to see how much we can get away with. He wants us filled with true peace, not simply an absence of discomfort.
He has given us free will - and taken His hands off, giving us the privilege of truly choosing which way we will go.
CI doesn't negate that gift of choice. From deep in the morass of CI, we can still choose - choose to honor Him from the midst of pain or restricted movement or solitary confinement.
I know this is not a simple thing. And I am grateful that Blood was spilled for me to not only cover my sin, but wash it away - an incredibly amazing gift that could only be born of a Great Love. A speaker at a women's retreat once said "We have noooo idea Who we are dealing with ."
And it's true - a Being so immeasurably powerful beyond our conception, Who created our immense Milky
Way - one of the tiniest in the solar system - and knows every single solitary star by name, and has placed them "just so."
But He knows our names too - and has placed us "just so," including our CI. He asks us to trust, to endure, to bless, and to return the love He lavishes upon us - by being obedient.
As of old, we are given the choice to obey and live, or disobey - and die a little every time.
"Choose this day whom you will serve: but as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD."
All of this put me into a rage @Adam. (see the poem on the poetry page). I've been meditating on this for a while now, thinking through the scenario and its aftermath.
Eve sinned too, yes. But Eve was deceived. I don't think she tried to evade responsibility, as many seem to think. She merely stated what happened: the serpent deceived her and she ate. Why do I think this? Because even though her pain was increased in childbirth, it wasn't a curse.
Adam, on the other hand, had the whole earth cursed for his sake - thorns, thistles, drought, marauding insects, and the biggie, death. Why was he cursed? Because he tried to point the finger at Eve ("The woman You gave me...") and, incidentally, at God.
But Adam went one further than disobedience. Adam went into full blown idolatry.
He saw Eve, "his woman". He saw she was naked - the implications of the Hebrew are that Adam and Eve were clothed with light, like their Father. Without that clothing Adam knew she would die. So now the question is, do I choose to love God more than Eve and obey? Or do I choose to put Eve before God?
We know his choice.
Adam doesn't even pretend he didn't sin, he just tries to shift the blame, something Cain picked up to follow in dad's footsteps.
It boggles the mind to think of all the repercussions. In one fell swoop, Adam unleashes sin in all its infamous forms - and the very next generation begins the manifestation : murder, lies, evasion, jealousy, and all beginning, again, with disobedience.
Cain knew that all sacrifices to God must include the shedding of blood: that was the consequence of sin, as God killed an animal to provide them with clothing. He had to shed blood to "cover" their sin. So without shedding of blood there is no remission of sin. Cain knew this.
But Cain was a farmer. His produce fed everyone - remember, this was before the flood so all - even animals - were vegetarians (which explains how Noah could have lions and sheep on the boat and enough food for everyone without slaughtering any other animals to feed the lions - but I digress) So Cain, proud of supplying all the food for his family, didn't mess with that untidy blood spilling, he just brought the best of his harvest, soooo much better than a dead sheep.
And better than that dumb Able, who raised sheep which, yes, provided clothing too, but what good was clothing without food? Cain's stuff was much more important than Able's stuff, wasn't it?
Well...no, in this case, it wasn't. Without shedding of blood the sacrifice couldn't be acceptable. Once again, disobedience enters the picture. Cain wanted to be accepted on his own terms. Wasn't he as good as Able? (so here comes "Mom always liked you best.") The problem was that his eyes weren't on God as much as they were on Able. He wasn't sacrificing, he was showing off.
And God shot him down.
So instead of repenting, he got mad at Able- because at least he knew enough not to get mad at God, or blame Him like his dad , Adam did. And envy did what it always does: it kills. It colors situations and insinuates evil motives into the most innocent of occurrences. And Cain did, literally, what envy always does in the heart. He killed that uppity Able.
While I was contemplating these beginnings of "the pride of life" that is so rampant in our culture, I stopped a moment to consider the One Who created these children, to love and nurture them, teach and guide them, and how heartbroken (understatement) He was, watching satan's evil permeate the hearts of His kids. Cain's cry of "unfair!" echoes down through the centuries, as satan begins to poison the heart of man against his Creator, camouflaging his own sinister attacks as being God's fault.
satan made Cain feel "less than" by his disobedience - and when God told him he would be accepted if he simply did it right, even warning him about satan waiting to devour him, Cain heard none of it. To him, it was a slap in the face. His produce was perfect. He was so proud of it. That was a part of himself he brought to God, and God wouldn't take it.
Evil God.,
I find it really interesting that part of Cain's punishment was that he could never grown anything again - which, finally, broke through his sullen, silent rebelliousness against God as he cries "This is more than I can bear!"
Poor me. Poor, poor me.
And the evil one has been so successful with this strategy that God is never thought of when abundance and mercy are overflowing - only when something horrific happens do we say "How could a merciful God allow this to happen?"
It happens because mankind has said, over and over, "Don't tell me what I can and can't do - who made you God?"
So God stepped back and said ,"Go for it."
And wept.
As the result of all this, dear Grandfather Adam opened the door for our CI as well. And as I contemplated in anger all of the pain and sorrow and anguish he unleashed with his one act of disobedience, my Papa gently tapped me on the shoulder to show me my own - waaaaaaaaaaay more than one act of disobedience - and the pain I have caused others.
God says "I desire obedience more than sacrifice" - to clue us in. His laws are meant to protect us, not hem us in or be a killjoy. He wants us to have true joy, not satan's sated imitation. He wants us to be unburdened by memories that make us cringe with guilt, embarrassment, anguish. He wants us undeceived and in love with Him - not trying to see how much we can get away with. He wants us filled with true peace, not simply an absence of discomfort.
He has given us free will - and taken His hands off, giving us the privilege of truly choosing which way we will go.
CI doesn't negate that gift of choice. From deep in the morass of CI, we can still choose - choose to honor Him from the midst of pain or restricted movement or solitary confinement.
I know this is not a simple thing. And I am grateful that Blood was spilled for me to not only cover my sin, but wash it away - an incredibly amazing gift that could only be born of a Great Love. A speaker at a women's retreat once said "We have noooo idea Who we are dealing with ."
And it's true - a Being so immeasurably powerful beyond our conception, Who created our immense Milky
Way - one of the tiniest in the solar system - and knows every single solitary star by name, and has placed them "just so."
But He knows our names too - and has placed us "just so," including our CI. He asks us to trust, to endure, to bless, and to return the love He lavishes upon us - by being obedient.
As of old, we are given the choice to obey and live, or disobey - and die a little every time.
"Choose this day whom you will serve: but as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD."
Thursday, August 16, 2012
A Rough Week
I was hit with sorrow after sorrow this week.
3 deaths from cancer, after heroic struggles, leaving behind the carnage of broken hearts and jagged craters of pain.
Then a premature baby, whose life we measured in hours instead of decades - the third such loss for the empty-armed, devastated parents.
Then the sudden blindside of a fatal heart attack.
And then a 6 year old boy on vacation with his family, wading with his Grampa - he stepped off of an unseen ledge and was swept away in a heartbeat. They have searched 40 miles downstream and still have not found him. An anticipated holiday with family gone excruciatingly awry. Heartbreak. Grief. Guilt. Please pray for this family.
"When I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil for Thou art with me; Thy rod and Thy staff they comfort me..."
All I could do was crawl into my Papa's lap - and weep against His shoulder.
And deep in my spirit I knew.
He was weeping with me.
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